Kid Hotel

Showing a picture of my siblings to my students generally resulted in great reactions.  Faced with a situation that even many Americans feel awkward about responding to (“Boy, uh, your sister looks a little... darker than you...?") Chinese students often went the route of a confused series of glances between the pictures and me.

I know, we don't look much alike.

I wouldn't trade them for anything.

There are so many things that I love about my sibs, things that make me realize what an incredible blessing they have been in my life.  Having four siblings is stressful.  Being the oldest is stressful.

But I really wouldn't trade it for anything.

I thought about this today while AJ was driving me all over creation as we did crazy missions getting last minute gifts for Mom's birthday.

I thought about it when C was lounging on my bed, working on making the list that I was dictating to her, filling in categories of ways she could spend her free time.

I thought about it tonight when Ib and I were building a cooking fire, a process fraught with competition (some friendly and some not-entirely-so-friendly.)

I've had the blessing of many incredible friends and communities throughout my life -- but none of my friends have been with me through as many parts of my life as my sibs.  None of my friends can finish each other's sentences and fill in each other's memories the ways we can.  

I love seeing them growing up and doing things that I can't do.

I love teasing them because, no matter what, I'm always older.  And I know where they're ticklish.

I love the way we share memories and quotes and friendships and have shared so many years of life.

Wherever we go, that's where the party's at.

And sometimes I just look at them and think, Dang, I love these kids.

If the Foundations are Destroyed --

Last night I went with a few friends to see The Dark Knight Rises.  I was somewhat afraid that it would be a disappointing end to a strong trilogy, but it wasn't.  It was engaging and it lived up the first two in raising serious questions, proving to be more of an intense, messy look at politics, society and human nature than it is just light summer entertainment.

There were two different verses that it really brought to mind.

Twice in Jeremiah, God says,

Were they ashamed when they committed abominations?
No, they were not at all ashamed;
they did not know how to blush.
Therefore they shall fall among the fallen;
when I punish them, they shall be overthrown.
[Jeremiah 6:15 and 8:12]

Throughout the movie, there are times when there is not only injustice, but there is a total mockery of justice. There are trials that are so obviously twisted that it is sickening, because it's wrong dressing itself up and pretending to be right, and it's simply ugly.

The other verse was Psalm 11:3:

If the foundations are destroyed,
What can the righteous do?


I wouldn't say that any character in this trilogy is wholly righteous.  Some seem more innocent -- Alfred, Blake -- but overall they are portrayed as human, messy, broken, fraught with their own issues of anger and selfishness.  Even when they try to do good, it sometimes goes horribly awry.  But that does seem to be one of the overarching questions of the trilogy:  when the foundations are so rotten, when the powerful are corrupt and evil thrives in the sewers and, in the face of disaster, the citizens are quick to destroy one another rather than attempt to save each other -- what can the righteous do?

The Dark Knight Trilogy doesn't provide a lot of answers.  Sacrifice.  Hope.  Believe.  Risk.  They are kind of vague.

But it raises a lot of the right questions.

And that is what I enjoy in a story.

qing wen (ramblings on questions)

"Qing wen" is a polite way to begin questions in Chinese, basically meaning, "May I please ask a question?"

I want to become better at asking questions.  I am remarkably bad at it, and I think that it is time to begin consciously working on it.  My younger brother Ib asks questions about everything.  He is a constant source of why and what if and how come and so forth.  So I'm trying...

Riding Greyhound across the US gave me some fun opportunities to ask questions.  One of the people who I sat next to on the way from Indy to Dallas had worked as a Navy cryptologist.  "You probably don't even know what a cryptologist is," he grunted. 

We had a great conversation.  I kept trying to think of more questions to ask him every time his stories seemed to be winding down (after all, the man knew Spanish and Russian, I think; he wanted to own a restaurant, and was on his way to hopefully get a job with a trucking company, and it was more interesting than staring out the window!) and it was quite a lot of fun. 

Then I ended up sitting next to an older woman on my last bus jaunt.  We talked for a while; I don't think there were any great questions that I asked, but I now know more of what she thought about living in South Dakota and what she knows now that she wishes she had known when she was 21 (how to take care of babies and how to cook.)

As I read through my books in preparation for getting my teaching certificate, I think of questions that I wish I had asked in China.  There were a few people at English corner who spoke very good English, and I want to know how and why their English was so good.  What motivated them?  How did they learn?

One night in China a bunch of us were sitting around outside a restaurant waiting for tables to become available.  To alleviate boredom (yes, people do get bored in China!) we began coming up with questions to ask each other.  I think that Kent took the prize that night for the best question asked:  If you had to go into a field totally unrelated to what you're in now, what would you choose?  It was a simple enough question, but it made everyone think and it exposed pieces of all of us that hadn't been seen before. 

So...

How do you cultivate inquiry?

What are some of the best questions you have ever asked or been asked?

lessons from an older brother

It was a long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Indy, especially when it started at 2 in the morning.  By the time I was seeing the city, it was about 10, and I was more than ready to get off of the bus.  So I made my way into the bus station.  I was looking for a bathroom and dragging my suitcase behind me, trying to remember if I had crossed a time zone or not.

And then I heard my name.  I turned around, because who else in this place that I've never been before would know my name except Tim, who was coming to meet me?  I hadn't seen him in six months, and the last time was in the airport in Xiamen.  He took my suitcase out to the car while I found the bathroom (and after I had smashed my face into his shoulder; apparently trying to hug someone and hand them luggage and speak in two languages at once and not cry does not really work) and then he took me home.  

I was there for only a few days before I caught another bus for Texas, but it was plenty of time to think -- especially as I prepare to go back to China.  I'm an oldest child.  He's been teaching me what having an older brother means.  I've been learning a lot about what it means to be a younger sister of Christ; too often I bring my "oldest child mentality" into how I see everything in life and miss out on what is good about not being the oldest.

It takes a lot of fear and uncertainty out of going to unknown places, like Indy or China.  If Tim, who I know and trust has been there, why should I worry about it?  It increases my confidence.

It means that I am much more likely to love and to want to love what I find.  I'm more likely to assume that there must be something good, something worth loving.  Tim gets excited about China, about airports, about tons of stuff that I wouldn't on my own -- but his eagerness to find out about things, and to experience them, encourages me to be eager.

And I was thinking about these things and how it is teaching me about what it means to follow Jesus.

He knows everything that I am going through, everything that I will face, far better than anyone else does.  The book of Hebrews makes a clear point that He is a sympathetic high priest because He was made incarnate and suffered more than I ever have.  And the author of Hebrews tells me that such is my reason for confidence as I approach even the throne of God.

It also means that I have a reason to love this world, the people in it -- everything -- fully and joyfully and sacrificially.  Because obviously, there's something worth loving.

    For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

    For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
(Romans 8:15-18)

Summer Media

I routinely hit the point where I am starving for stories, and it seems that every free moment I have, I read.  And read.  And read.  Interestingly enough, this often comes right at the end of the semester.  When I'm trying to do finals.

Yeah.

I can and will read just about anything when my options are limited.  This includes cereal boxes and shampoo bottles.  I took a while to learn to read, but once I did, it must have really clicked.

Anyway, my genre of choice is a toss-up between sci-fi and fantasy.  I remember right when I realized that I had fallen into something deep enough to keep exploring for a long, long time; it was when I was reading Lloyd Alexander's The High King (which was the first of the Prydain Chronicles that I read.)

Last week I went with Karen and Becca to a huge outdoor flea market and we found the books, and Becca and I found that we have similar tastes in books.  I still have a few of the ones that I bought left.

So here's what's been on my reading list since the mood struck, as far as I can remember.  This list is for my own amusement; I won't be offended if you don't bother reading the entire thing.

Enchanted by Orson Scott Card  I loved it.  The magic stuff got a little odd, but it was well written and coherent and absorbing.  There was the added benefit that I had no idea this book existed until I saw it on the shelf, and then it's a good thing that it wasn't much longer, because I did want to graduate on time.  But I also wanted to finish the story.


Blood of the Righteous by J.E. Sandoval  I got this one as a free e-book.  It was a good read, pretty good story, absorbing at parts.  He has room to grow as an author, but I'd be glad to read the next book when it comes out.

The China Puzzle by Mike Falkenstine  This was a short little book that addresses a lot of the complex relationships between the government of China and the churches. 

The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton  Becca told me that I should get this one when I said I hadn't read it.  And she was right.  Crichton does a lovely job somehow unjargon-ifying very jargon-ful material.  And spinning a good story.

China Road by Rob Gifford  This is the best book about China that I've read yet.  He captures a ton of the craziness of China, how much variation there is in culture and in customs, and how somehow people are still people, whether Westerner or Asian, whether they're from Shanghai or Xinjiang.  Here's what I thought was one of the most striking questions in the book, asked by a girl working as a sometimes prostitute who Gifford interviewed:  "It's difficult being a person, isn't it?"

Homebody by Orson Scott Card  So I really love most of OSC's stuff.  There have been a few that I extremely hated, and a lot are a little on the weird end, but I really enjoy how he tells a story and how much depth he hits.  This one was creepy, but I enjoyed it.  He does well with concepts.

Dragon's Blood by Jane Yolen  Random one that I picked up Sunday at the K house since I was earlier for the party than most of the family was.  It was easy reading, probably a YAF kind of fantasy; I liked it way more than I was expecting to.

Firstlight by Keturah Vale  So this one isn't published yet, and this is the second version of it that I've gotten to read through.  It was excellent.  I can't wait to see it in print. 

Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card  I picked this up when I was with Becca (who decided not to fight me for it) and Karen, and then started reading it last night when I couldn't get to sleep.  I love this series.  One of my favorites, for certain.  I read it after freshman year, and it really was just as good this time as it was the first, if for different reasons. 

And I've started The Eternity Artifact by L.E. Modesitt Jr. and Celtic Fairy Tales edited by Joseph Jacob.

Here's what's still on my list:

Finishing The Eternity Artifact... The Chosen (Chaim Potok), Scion of Cyador (L.E. Modesitt Jr.), English Teaching as Christian Mission (Donald B. Snow), Teaching to Change Lives (Dr. Howard Hendricks), and Learning Teaching (Jim Scrivener).

I bet you can guess which are my own choice and which are for work.  :)

There are plenty of other books I'd like to read this summer, but we'll see what happens.  What are you reading?  Got suggestions? 

And since this is a media-list kind of post, here's my coinciding music preferences.

Love & War & The Sea In Between ~ Josh Garrels (introduced to me by Bryana and available free at http://noisetrade.com/joshgarrels)

Ghosts Upon the Earth ~ Gungor (which Samwise got me onto)

Calling You ~ Blue October (which Janie introduced me to)

The Luggage of an Optimist ~ Miriam Marston (again, Bryana)

My brain feels like it's come up for air again.  I like that. 

Summer Update

...Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are...
[from Ash-Wednesday, by T. S. Eliot]


So here is an update on this time in my life.


I graduated.  


It was a good last semester, filled with time with C1 and other friends, and we wished it could have been longer, but it couldn't.  So now we are learning how to live in "the real world" (what is college?  The Truman Show?) and figuring out what you do with friendships of that caliber when you all move apart.  It feels kind of good to be done, I guess, but mostly I'm sad to know that it is done.  I have a BA in Biblical Languages, and a BA in Cross-Cultural Studies, and a minor in philosophy.  I like it.  I am glad to be done with that.


My family moved.


That was sort of in process throughout a lot of the spring semester and I suppose it is still sort of in process, as the other house needs to go on the market and we have to get used to where we live now.  Pray for good transitions.  There's a lot to love in the new area, especially the property itself, which has a lot of lovely woods behind it.  I love trees.  *smile*


I'm going back to China.


I plan to be there for about a year this time.  (And yes, I am swinging between being happy -- hey, I have a job!  And it will be exciting and filled with a ton to learn! -- and thinking, What have I done?!?!?!?)  If you want to know more and you haven't already been listening to me talk about, leave me a comment.  Or email.  Or call.  I'd love to explain more about what I'll be doing.


All that being said, here's what my summer is actually looking like:


For the China end of things

• I need to raise support to cover some of the costs; it works out to $1,400 a month.  So pray that God provides people willing to partner in this ministry by giving financially.  It kind of stresses me out. (This actually is being my biggest stress factor currently.)
• I also have to do some assignments to start on my grad-level classes to receive TEFL certification.  (So much for being done with school, huh?)
• I just generally will need to pack and figure out what is coming with me and what is staying in the US. It's interesting trying to condense a year's worth of stuff into a large suitcase and a backpack.  (To be fair, I could take two suitcases... but I'd rather leave myself the room to bring cool things back.)

I'm planning a trip out west.  Which I am phenomenally excited about.  Because I am going to get to see some awesome people... including a few who I've known online for oh, about seven years now?... and during that time, we've been all over the globe... so actually getting to see each other face to face?  Ecstatic is not quite a strong enough word.


I'm spending a lot of time with my family.  My next sister just finished her freshman year of college, crazy!  We've all gotten hooked on the BBC show Lark Rise to Candleford (which can be found on youtube).  Sometimes we sing song after song from musicals.


I'm writing a lot.  What began as a random scrap of story in junior high has morphed into a vast sprawling world of its own.  I enjoy writing a lot and seeing how things fit together, and trying to use that to gain perspective on the real world.


And there are always random other things to take care of, random situations to help sort through, and fun stuff like bobbin lace classes with a friend, or walking the dog, or... you know, life.


So on the days when everything seems to be like a lot to breathe around, I'm working on learning to rejoice that things are as they are -- because He's good.

Conversation with Dana

It is the loveliest dorm on campus, in my mind, and I was tired of studying poli sci, so I went there to see a friend and take a break.  She was on duty for the weekend so I figured that she'd be there.  Being friends with RAs can be like being friends with someone who's under house arrest; it is a real nuisance if you want to go somewhere with them, but it does tend to make them easier to find.


Anyway.  Fiona was there, but she was just about to go off to dinner, so I sat down on her floor and chatted with her until she was ready to leave and then I stood up, intending to head back to the library.  Her roommate, Dana, was still in the room and we kept half talking with each other -- the awkward kind of conversation that happens when one person is half trying to leave but not really in any hurry.


I ended up pulling out a chair and we sat and talked for a good while.  And it was good, and so unexpected.  We've vaguely known each other since sometime my junior year, and she has spent a lot of time with my group of girls, and we had talked some before, but it is always a lovely surprise to me when I end up having an excellent, thoughtful conversation with someone new.  It is like discovering a new author.  *smile*


That conversation though was a sort of picture of what these last two weeks feel like.   Good, but bittersweet because I am reminded that I am moving on from this place.  I won't be able to simply wander down from the library into McKee.  And I know that there will be other places and other people to have conversations with, I know that God provides, but -- and Dana was saying this when we talked -- I like the way things are.  I don't want God to have to provide something new.  It is hard.


It is hard to trust that what is, is enough.


And the conversation, which meandered down paths of friendships and stories from our lives, of Lord of the Rings and of perspective gained on past hard times and God's goodness, turned to our gladness in having been baptized as infants.  Of having been bound since we were born to the sure hope of the promise that God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good.