hwæt...

Friday, June 13, 2014

Proverbs: A Word in Season

So I've passed the time of David's reign and I'm up to Solomon (which, by the way, I think is a pretty awesome name.) Which means that, mixed in with 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles, I've been getting to read Proverbs.

It feels different to me than any time I've read it before. Every time that I remember previously reading it, it was great, sure, but the proverbs felt mostly disjointed and... well, wise, but... I don't know. Something was missing. There were a few verses that I really loved, but the book as a whole tended to lose my attention. But this time, it's like a long drink of water on a hot, dry day.

Maybe it's because I've grown up some. Work a more-or-less 40-hour-a-week "real" job. Pay more bills. Whatever the reason is, Proverbs makes a lot more sense to me this time through. It feels like a timely guide to life about how to deal with friends, coworkers, priorities, and finances.

I don't have any more specific thoughts about Proverbs (I do some mornings when I'm reading at 5:20 waiting for the bus, but that was a long time ago in the scheme of the day...), just a growing gratitude to God for blessing me with this guide to wise living.

To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is! (Proverbs 15:23 ESV)

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Seeking Wisdom

It had been almost six months since I had heard from a particular student, when she had messaged me to ask what "walleye fry" meant. (Why she needed to know this, I do not know.)

And then she started a new conversation. Defying all conventions of normal ways to begin a new conversation, she threw a full paragraph at me that was crammed with words like regret and sins and forgive and acquittal. (Yes, her English is good.)

Being ever-eloquent, I sent her back an emoji making a questioning face, because that was the face I would have been making at her if she had started a conversation like that in real life.

So she clarified. I wonder how to act. the past is heavy and I cant help feeling weak.

And I thought, Oh, child, you are so ready for the gospel.

Chinese culture, no less than American culture, promotes a pulling-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps "gospel." And it's a lie that plays into human hubris so beautifully that it's very powerful. When I find my students realizing that ultimately, they aren't enough, it gives me hope.

We shot messages back and forth for a while longer, words somehow passing around the earth in a second or two. My mind and heart were full of Paul's agonized words in Romans 7, of how he struggled with himself. You know I am a Christian, right? I asked her, because how can such a conversation continue otherwise? To talk about forgiving means talking about being forgiven.

It got late. I needed to get to bed so I could go to work this morning.

Near the end of our conversation, she said, Wisdom wont come if I keep standing like this instead of trying hard to find it.

And then all I could think of were the many verses in Proverbs, of how wisdom calls. Of how wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord. I sent her one last question: how can you find wisdom?

She tells me she will read the Bible first.

And my heart is full.

Full of wonder that, almost a year after I finished being their teacher by job description, I still get to be a part of their lives.

Full of hope that she will not stop seeking wisdom until she finds where it begins. That maybe her feet are already on a path, even if she cannot yet see it.

Please pray, ask, beg with me that she will keep knocking until the door is opened.

That she'll know the One who really is Wisdom.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Things I was Thankful for in China

(about half of my post-its, in no particular order)

1 John 2:25 ~ And this is the promise that He made to us -- eternal life.
desiring God
how You take what men meant for evil -- and turn it to good
teammates and life together
hanging out with Hilary
Jeremiah 29:12 ~ Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear You
the holiness of God
getting to talk one-on-one in the office with Julie
Danielle asking good q's during O3 (and doing it outside!)
Timge
being an American on this 11th anniversary of 9/11
the awesome dinner & movie night with Kelsey & Tempestt
sharing truth and laughter with my team
the solemn ceremony of convocation at Huawai
toothpaste
2 Cor 1:4 ~ ...who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction
rock scrambling
everything in Thailand being new
Your promises that are fulfilled beyond our wildest expectations
Sundays full of rest
students who are late to their final because they got locked in their dorm... *facepalm* #loveChina
getting to spend time with Carly's family
getting over being sick
playing crazy games of I Love You Like...
settling back in
sci-fi/fantasy by L E Modesitt
bright flowers growing in Kunming
deep and long conversations with Bridge
Psalm 60:1 ~ O God, You have rejected us, broken our defenses; You have been angry; oh, restore us.
Chan cakes
the music of All Sons & Daughters
awesome travel buddies
the mobilization team and their heart for us and You
that there is a four-hour train to QHD
seeing Candace
how convenient airplanes are
Psalm 22:3 ~ Yet You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.
Depreena (when she's tired. And the rest of the time.)
seeing a change in Luther
1 Peter 5:7 ~ ...casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
rainstorms right as my work week ends <3
missing my sibs
dinner with Grammar
the water working for days!
sharing life stories
calzones!
Proverbs 18:24 ~ A man of many companions comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
the testimony of Ian and Larissa's marriage
seeing so many people at the all-city meeting
1 John 5:14-15 ~ Now this is the confidence we have before Him: Whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.
having a quilt to rub my face against
speakers that look like minions
Jars of Clay
Gungor
seaweed fights
the peace of a clean apartment
Psalm 72:12 ~ For He delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper. (Teach me compassion.)
having the opportunity to serve my office
Psalm 118:21 ~ I thank You that You have answered me and have become my salvation.
earrings
Three + hours of live mafia
Laughing at Lost in Thailand
seeing stars so brilliant!
Chai
having so much more than I need to survive and a job that I enjoy doing
friends who are willing to look out for my sibs
warmer weather
All of everything being turned in!
being part of a community that loves You and chases You hard
time alone with You
One on Ones
mail: from my family, from Grandmum and Ross, and from Bryana!
getting randomness organized
that You listen to us and respond
That You loved us when we were still enemies
the cablecar ride down from Dragon Gate
the justice of God
meeting other foreign teachers
marvelous gifts from Danielle's spare 'oom
not living somewhere that malaria is a huge concern
Psalm 52:9 ~ I will thank You forever, because You have done it. I will wait for Your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly.
Ib looking like a punk in the new picture
night swim!
That Your Spirit can change our hearts and the hearts of others.
getting feedback from Danielle in our O3
getting to perform for our school
Tim and Jill seeing each other still
House of Faith
Epiphany and that You are King and Savior of all nations.
a package from home
healing
that Your coming makes peace on earth possible
brothers and sisters in the Muslim Quarter
Job 42:5 ~ I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.
phone calls with Jill and how much her English has improved
backpacks
picasa
my whole team is back!!
kebabs, rotee, fruit smoothies
CS Lewis
not having to sit outside in chilly rain at the sports meet
Job 15:11 ~ Are the comforts of God too small for you, or the word that deals gently with you?
Proverbs 20:24 ~ A man's steps are from the Lord, how then can man understand his way?
street food
brownies in a mug
having a full reserve water bucket when I need it
weddings
books
seeing my students and other much beloved students again
Christopher (and the cutest kitten ever)
space in Pudong to sleep
things that didn't change a bit: loud greetings and being offered someone else's candy
honesty in relationships
Changchun A&B and Taiyuan skyping Nanchang!
awesome Australia birthday party!
dancing signs
Kitty's incredible testimony -- and all of the ways You work.
cool hostel-mates (like Lisa!)
Evergreen
feeling like a teacher, not an imposter
having fun doing game day with two classes
origami Christmas trees
randomly meeting other ELIC'ers
seeing the rest of TFP
ceramic knives
dining hall 4
new bread recipes from market2meal
Luke 1:74-75 ~ ...that we, being delivered from the hand of our enemies, might serve Him without fear, in holiness and righteousness before Him all our days.
Isaiah 53:5 ~ But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities...
students who say wildly inappropriate things in class
20000 names... and all the meanings
finishing buying Christmas gifts!
super good food at the sports club
Roger's rockin' art skills
Sundays that are restful (as well as productive)
incredible job possibilities for next year
Xi'an feeling familiar
students returning soon!
incredible potato-bacon chowder
playing Ninja in Kunming
students being genuine in their finals
advent and the sure promise of hope in a dark world.
hot showers
getting things (aka Danielle's kitchen) clean!
advice and Danielle listening
Jordan
plans for Harbin to come!
mascara
apples to apples
Job 11:6 ~ ...know then that God exacts of you less than your guilt deserves.
that Danielle observed before the dean...
chunks of cheese
Luke 7:47 ~ Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that's why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little.
prayer
good smells
Colossians 1:12 ...giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.
getting to teach my trans class about Marshall McLuhan
lunch with Cassie and Cindy
Mom and CG going to the OPC ladies' retreat
hearing from Eleanor and Erin
how You refresh us through worship
Isaiah 51:3 ~ For Yahweh comforts Zion... joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.
good stories
walking across campus with a student
the photography of Rob Jinks
changing seasons
comfy warm clothes on a chilly, rainy day
highschool friends and how they shaped me
laughing over peas in a pod like no tomorrow
team commitment
Psalm 69:30 ~ I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.
the variety at the fabric market
plans for the National Holiday
a sweet birthday gift from Phoenix
beautiful leather journals
that You love me even when my attitude sucks
jeans from the resource library that fit!
youtube (and Flight of the Concords... 3 Little Pigs... Pentatonix...)
Harry Potter
Zeph 3:17 ~ Yahweh your God is in your midst, a mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness...
skyping with Abbie and Rivy
quotes from books
a GIFT from my teammates who went to CBS
a letter from home!
students from Guizhou
2 Cor 4:17 ~ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison
fresh baked (and frozen) bread ^_^
Loaded Questions
the Harbin girls getting here!
the most dirge-like rendition of "I've Got the Joy" EVER... and ensuing laughter.
anticipation of the National Holiday
fun translation classes
the HCSB translation
a couch cover + quilt
stories of how English names came to be
Tim Keller's sermon
brunch
1 Thes 5:16-18 ~ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
mashed potatoes
cookouts with everyone
Colossians 3:15 ~ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
mashed (baked potato + salt + milk + garlic + oil)
getting to watch and play with kids!
skype with Tim and him getting a job with ELIC
fireworks
Hebrews 12:28 ~ Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe.
talking with coworkers
plans for Danielle to observe a class (and working toward TEFL certification!)
FAOs who look out for us
1 Thes 5:17 ~ Give thanks in ALL circumstances
encouragement from Bridge
watching HP3 while writing lesson plans
laughter
John Piper and his passion
POD sisterhood

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Of Prayers and Providence

On many topics, my prayers are vague. When it comes to mind, I may ask for God's protection that day. If it occurs to me, at the end of the day, I may thank Him for keeping me safe. But unless I'm doing something like wandering around Cleveland at night looking for a bus station, or traveling on roads that are icy and being blizzard-ed upon, I generally don't really think too much about God's providence in regards to my safety.

Yesterday morning, I did.

Yesterday morning I was scheduled to start my shift at Panera at 8 am. This starting time always leads to me rejoicing, because it means that I can catch a bus at a stop that's quite close to the apartment rather than my normal one, which is a bit of a hike.

A little before 7:20, I headed out of the apartment and went to cross the road to get to the bus stop, and noticed that there was a police car and two civilian cars pulled over there... right in front of my bus stop! I hope I'm not going to get in trouble for jaywalking, I thought, not sure that I'd have time to walk the entire way down to my normal stop. I probably should have been wondering a little more what was going on, but if you've been around me when I first wake up, it's fairly impressive that I noticed the police car.

I crossed the road, keeping an eye on traffic and the pulled over cars and the cop, and headed to the shelter to wait for my bus. Same as I would without all the drama.

And then I noticed (this realization totally took longer than it should have; see my above note about my mental functioning shortly after waking up. If you've seen the movie Wall-E, I am basically exactly like him) that the shelter looked a little... odd.

For one thing, it wasn't sitting on its foundations.

For another, one of the huge glass panes/walls had been knocked out and was laying on the ground.

The huge industrial urban garbage can next the shelter had been knocked out of its normal spot and was cracked. I'm not sure what they're made out of, but they look like cement and rocks, and I'd never considered one of them being broken before.

I did a double take, stepped away from the shelter, and looked at the police car and the other car that was still pulled over.

I wasn't in that shelter when the car hit it, I realized, simultaneously shaken and exuberant.

I could have been. If my shift had started at 7 or 7:30, I would have been there earlier. I'm not sure exactly when the shelter was hit, but it probably was around the time I would have been there.

And so that is my story. Nothing spectacular aside from all the drama that I missed.

Yet the fact that I missed it is more than sufficiently spectacular for me.

Tonight, I'm thinking about the Westminster Shorter Catechism's answer to the eleventh question and Psalm 91.

WSC 11:
What are God's works of providence?
God's works of providence are His most holy, wise, and powerful preserving and governing all His creatures and all their actions.

Psalm 91:

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
    nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
    and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
    lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
    the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
    I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble;
    I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

Friday, April 11, 2014

La Responsabilité

So, my mom has always been very fond of Le Petit Prince. I don't think I'm wise enough yet to love it as much as she does, but I already own a Chinese/English version of it.

Anyway, when I saw a book called Little Princes: One Man's Promise to Bring Home the Lost Children of Nepal sitting on the library shelf, I pulled it off, because clearly the author of this book (Conor Grennan) already had good literary references going in his favor. Plus, it was about social issues in Asia. What's not to love about that?

It was a good book. I loved it.

And it made me miss the kids who live at the House of Faith orphanage in Chiang Dao quite fiercely. Depreena and I only spent a few nights there, and communication was limited, due to my Thai vocabulary consisting of sawadee-ka (hello) and korpkun-ka (thanks), but there was a lot of fun and laughter and love. I remember a conversation with Mookda as we walked back from our swim time in the nearby dam about how we were sisters because we're both Christians.

As I was thinking about them, and how many places I want to be at all times (you know, back in China, back in Thailand, checking out India, etc) I started thinking about other kids who have been in my life.

Obviously my siblings. They're my permanent guinea-pigs... stuck with me always learning how to be an older sister on them. ^_^

But there are a lot of other kids (some of whom are, ahem, not such kids any more. SOME OF WHOM ARE NOW TALLER THAN I AM!) who I've had the awesome opportunity to get to know and be a part of their lives. At church camp. In Aliquippa. As a camp counselor. In youth group. At college. And, yeah, in China and Thailand too.

Each of them have been in different parts of my life. Sometimes we got to interact year after year, sometimes only for a couple of days.

And they have all been good gifts to me.

I pray for them, often randomly, as they come to mind. I stalk them on facebook or google or through friends to try to find out what they're up to. I hope to cross paths with them again sometime, I hope to hear that they're doing well and flourishing.

Because all of these kids, adopted little sibs of mine -- yeah, I still feel a little responsible for them.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
[The Little Prince]

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Jokes and Death (and a few songs)

April 1 is known internationally as a day for practical jokes. (Trust me, students in China get pretty into it.) But when I think of April 1, I'm more likely to think of something else -- a call that came eight years ago with the news that "Pappy" Oscar, a man from our church who had adopted us as grandchildren, had died.

He had been diagnosed with cancer only a month earlier.

And every year I'm a little surprised about how much I still miss him. But I do miss him; I miss a lot of things about him.

I miss how he prayed. He is one of the few (only?) people I've ever known who used King James English in his prayers without it sounding stilted.

I miss his love. I remember him teasing me about boys and saying he'd better be one of the first to know when I got engaged. I miss his hugs, even though my hair somehow always got tangled in his glasses.

I miss his goofiness. He was incredibly willing to play along with whatever us kids were doing. Or to instigate mischief if he thought that we weren't creating enough. Somewhere at home we have pictures of him with a beanie baby duck perched on his head. We "kidnapped" him and Grandma Millie for Ib's pirate birthday party. He convinced Abbie that "meringue" was pronounced mher-in-goo. And he was quick to laugh at himself.

In the month between when the call came that he had cancer and when call came saying that he died, there were a lot of emotions. I remember a lot of the music that I was listening to around then -- Derek Webb's i see things upside down album, Nichole Nordeman's Woven and Spun album, Casting Crown's Praise You in the Storm, and Natalie Grant's song Held. Probably because I was listening to these songs over and over and over, they're all still definitely connected with the emotions and thoughts from that time in my life.

Especially Held.

Losing Oscar so quickly hurt in ways that still ache today. But getting to be a part of him dying in faith was a beautiful thing.

And so, when I think about the collision of things that happen on April 1, I think it is very appropriate. Because in the end, the joke is on death. Christ beat it with the ultimate irony -- trampling over death by death. Or, as John Mark McMillan put it:

On Friday a thief
On Sunday a King
Laid down in grief
But awoke holding keys
Of hell on that day
The Firstborn of the slain
The Man Jesus Christ
Laid Death in his grave.