If the Foundations are Destroyed --

Last night I went with a few friends to see The Dark Knight Rises.  I was somewhat afraid that it would be a disappointing end to a strong trilogy, but it wasn't.  It was engaging and it lived up the first two in raising serious questions, proving to be more of an intense, messy look at politics, society and human nature than it is just light summer entertainment.

There were two different verses that it really brought to mind.

Twice in Jeremiah, God says,

Were they ashamed when they committed abominations?
No, they were not at all ashamed;
they did not know how to blush.
Therefore they shall fall among the fallen;
when I punish them, they shall be overthrown.
[Jeremiah 6:15 and 8:12]

Throughout the movie, there are times when there is not only injustice, but there is a total mockery of justice. There are trials that are so obviously twisted that it is sickening, because it's wrong dressing itself up and pretending to be right, and it's simply ugly.

The other verse was Psalm 11:3:

If the foundations are destroyed,
What can the righteous do?


I wouldn't say that any character in this trilogy is wholly righteous.  Some seem more innocent -- Alfred, Blake -- but overall they are portrayed as human, messy, broken, fraught with their own issues of anger and selfishness.  Even when they try to do good, it sometimes goes horribly awry.  But that does seem to be one of the overarching questions of the trilogy:  when the foundations are so rotten, when the powerful are corrupt and evil thrives in the sewers and, in the face of disaster, the citizens are quick to destroy one another rather than attempt to save each other -- what can the righteous do?

The Dark Knight Trilogy doesn't provide a lot of answers.  Sacrifice.  Hope.  Believe.  Risk.  They are kind of vague.

But it raises a lot of the right questions.

And that is what I enjoy in a story.

qing wen (ramblings on questions)

"Qing wen" is a polite way to begin questions in Chinese, basically meaning, "May I please ask a question?"

I want to become better at asking questions.  I am remarkably bad at it, and I think that it is time to begin consciously working on it.  My younger brother Ib asks questions about everything.  He is a constant source of why and what if and how come and so forth.  So I'm trying...

Riding Greyhound across the US gave me some fun opportunities to ask questions.  One of the people who I sat next to on the way from Indy to Dallas had worked as a Navy cryptologist.  "You probably don't even know what a cryptologist is," he grunted. 

We had a great conversation.  I kept trying to think of more questions to ask him every time his stories seemed to be winding down (after all, the man knew Spanish and Russian, I think; he wanted to own a restaurant, and was on his way to hopefully get a job with a trucking company, and it was more interesting than staring out the window!) and it was quite a lot of fun. 

Then I ended up sitting next to an older woman on my last bus jaunt.  We talked for a while; I don't think there were any great questions that I asked, but I now know more of what she thought about living in South Dakota and what she knows now that she wishes she had known when she was 21 (how to take care of babies and how to cook.)

As I read through my books in preparation for getting my teaching certificate, I think of questions that I wish I had asked in China.  There were a few people at English corner who spoke very good English, and I want to know how and why their English was so good.  What motivated them?  How did they learn?

One night in China a bunch of us were sitting around outside a restaurant waiting for tables to become available.  To alleviate boredom (yes, people do get bored in China!) we began coming up with questions to ask each other.  I think that Kent took the prize that night for the best question asked:  If you had to go into a field totally unrelated to what you're in now, what would you choose?  It was a simple enough question, but it made everyone think and it exposed pieces of all of us that hadn't been seen before. 

So...

How do you cultivate inquiry?

What are some of the best questions you have ever asked or been asked?

lessons from an older brother

It was a long bus ride from Pittsburgh to Indy, especially when it started at 2 in the morning.  By the time I was seeing the city, it was about 10, and I was more than ready to get off of the bus.  So I made my way into the bus station.  I was looking for a bathroom and dragging my suitcase behind me, trying to remember if I had crossed a time zone or not.

And then I heard my name.  I turned around, because who else in this place that I've never been before would know my name except Tim, who was coming to meet me?  I hadn't seen him in six months, and the last time was in the airport in Xiamen.  He took my suitcase out to the car while I found the bathroom (and after I had smashed my face into his shoulder; apparently trying to hug someone and hand them luggage and speak in two languages at once and not cry does not really work) and then he took me home.  

I was there for only a few days before I caught another bus for Texas, but it was plenty of time to think -- especially as I prepare to go back to China.  I'm an oldest child.  He's been teaching me what having an older brother means.  I've been learning a lot about what it means to be a younger sister of Christ; too often I bring my "oldest child mentality" into how I see everything in life and miss out on what is good about not being the oldest.

It takes a lot of fear and uncertainty out of going to unknown places, like Indy or China.  If Tim, who I know and trust has been there, why should I worry about it?  It increases my confidence.

It means that I am much more likely to love and to want to love what I find.  I'm more likely to assume that there must be something good, something worth loving.  Tim gets excited about China, about airports, about tons of stuff that I wouldn't on my own -- but his eagerness to find out about things, and to experience them, encourages me to be eager.

And I was thinking about these things and how it is teaching me about what it means to follow Jesus.

He knows everything that I am going through, everything that I will face, far better than anyone else does.  The book of Hebrews makes a clear point that He is a sympathetic high priest because He was made incarnate and suffered more than I ever have.  And the author of Hebrews tells me that such is my reason for confidence as I approach even the throne of God.

It also means that I have a reason to love this world, the people in it -- everything -- fully and joyfully and sacrificially.  Because obviously, there's something worth loving.

    For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

    For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
(Romans 8:15-18)

Summer Media

I routinely hit the point where I am starving for stories, and it seems that every free moment I have, I read.  And read.  And read.  Interestingly enough, this often comes right at the end of the semester.  When I'm trying to do finals.

Yeah.

I can and will read just about anything when my options are limited.  This includes cereal boxes and shampoo bottles.  I took a while to learn to read, but once I did, it must have really clicked.

Anyway, my genre of choice is a toss-up between sci-fi and fantasy.  I remember right when I realized that I had fallen into something deep enough to keep exploring for a long, long time; it was when I was reading Lloyd Alexander's The High King (which was the first of the Prydain Chronicles that I read.)

Last week I went with Karen and Becca to a huge outdoor flea market and we found the books, and Becca and I found that we have similar tastes in books.  I still have a few of the ones that I bought left.

So here's what's been on my reading list since the mood struck, as far as I can remember.  This list is for my own amusement; I won't be offended if you don't bother reading the entire thing.

Enchanted by Orson Scott Card  I loved it.  The magic stuff got a little odd, but it was well written and coherent and absorbing.  There was the added benefit that I had no idea this book existed until I saw it on the shelf, and then it's a good thing that it wasn't much longer, because I did want to graduate on time.  But I also wanted to finish the story.


Blood of the Righteous by J.E. Sandoval  I got this one as a free e-book.  It was a good read, pretty good story, absorbing at parts.  He has room to grow as an author, but I'd be glad to read the next book when it comes out.

The China Puzzle by Mike Falkenstine  This was a short little book that addresses a lot of the complex relationships between the government of China and the churches. 

The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton  Becca told me that I should get this one when I said I hadn't read it.  And she was right.  Crichton does a lovely job somehow unjargon-ifying very jargon-ful material.  And spinning a good story.

China Road by Rob Gifford  This is the best book about China that I've read yet.  He captures a ton of the craziness of China, how much variation there is in culture and in customs, and how somehow people are still people, whether Westerner or Asian, whether they're from Shanghai or Xinjiang.  Here's what I thought was one of the most striking questions in the book, asked by a girl working as a sometimes prostitute who Gifford interviewed:  "It's difficult being a person, isn't it?"

Homebody by Orson Scott Card  So I really love most of OSC's stuff.  There have been a few that I extremely hated, and a lot are a little on the weird end, but I really enjoy how he tells a story and how much depth he hits.  This one was creepy, but I enjoyed it.  He does well with concepts.

Dragon's Blood by Jane Yolen  Random one that I picked up Sunday at the K house since I was earlier for the party than most of the family was.  It was easy reading, probably a YAF kind of fantasy; I liked it way more than I was expecting to.

Firstlight by Keturah Vale  So this one isn't published yet, and this is the second version of it that I've gotten to read through.  It was excellent.  I can't wait to see it in print. 

Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card  I picked this up when I was with Becca (who decided not to fight me for it) and Karen, and then started reading it last night when I couldn't get to sleep.  I love this series.  One of my favorites, for certain.  I read it after freshman year, and it really was just as good this time as it was the first, if for different reasons. 

And I've started The Eternity Artifact by L.E. Modesitt Jr. and Celtic Fairy Tales edited by Joseph Jacob.

Here's what's still on my list:

Finishing The Eternity Artifact... The Chosen (Chaim Potok), Scion of Cyador (L.E. Modesitt Jr.), English Teaching as Christian Mission (Donald B. Snow), Teaching to Change Lives (Dr. Howard Hendricks), and Learning Teaching (Jim Scrivener).

I bet you can guess which are my own choice and which are for work.  :)

There are plenty of other books I'd like to read this summer, but we'll see what happens.  What are you reading?  Got suggestions? 

And since this is a media-list kind of post, here's my coinciding music preferences.

Love & War & The Sea In Between ~ Josh Garrels (introduced to me by Bryana and available free at http://noisetrade.com/joshgarrels)

Ghosts Upon the Earth ~ Gungor (which Samwise got me onto)

Calling You ~ Blue October (which Janie introduced me to)

The Luggage of an Optimist ~ Miriam Marston (again, Bryana)

My brain feels like it's come up for air again.  I like that. 

Summer Update

...Because I know that time is always time
And place is always and only place
And what is actual is actual only for one time
And only for one place
I rejoice that things are as they are...
[from Ash-Wednesday, by T. S. Eliot]


So here is an update on this time in my life.


I graduated.  


It was a good last semester, filled with time with C1 and other friends, and we wished it could have been longer, but it couldn't.  So now we are learning how to live in "the real world" (what is college?  The Truman Show?) and figuring out what you do with friendships of that caliber when you all move apart.  It feels kind of good to be done, I guess, but mostly I'm sad to know that it is done.  I have a BA in Biblical Languages, and a BA in Cross-Cultural Studies, and a minor in philosophy.  I like it.  I am glad to be done with that.


My family moved.


That was sort of in process throughout a lot of the spring semester and I suppose it is still sort of in process, as the other house needs to go on the market and we have to get used to where we live now.  Pray for good transitions.  There's a lot to love in the new area, especially the property itself, which has a lot of lovely woods behind it.  I love trees.  *smile*


I'm going back to China.


I plan to be there for about a year this time.  (And yes, I am swinging between being happy -- hey, I have a job!  And it will be exciting and filled with a ton to learn! -- and thinking, What have I done?!?!?!?)  If you want to know more and you haven't already been listening to me talk about, leave me a comment.  Or email.  Or call.  I'd love to explain more about what I'll be doing.


All that being said, here's what my summer is actually looking like:


For the China end of things

• I need to raise support to cover some of the costs; it works out to $1,400 a month.  So pray that God provides people willing to partner in this ministry by giving financially.  It kind of stresses me out. (This actually is being my biggest stress factor currently.)
• I also have to do some assignments to start on my grad-level classes to receive TEFL certification.  (So much for being done with school, huh?)
• I just generally will need to pack and figure out what is coming with me and what is staying in the US. It's interesting trying to condense a year's worth of stuff into a large suitcase and a backpack.  (To be fair, I could take two suitcases... but I'd rather leave myself the room to bring cool things back.)

I'm planning a trip out west.  Which I am phenomenally excited about.  Because I am going to get to see some awesome people... including a few who I've known online for oh, about seven years now?... and during that time, we've been all over the globe... so actually getting to see each other face to face?  Ecstatic is not quite a strong enough word.


I'm spending a lot of time with my family.  My next sister just finished her freshman year of college, crazy!  We've all gotten hooked on the BBC show Lark Rise to Candleford (which can be found on youtube).  Sometimes we sing song after song from musicals.


I'm writing a lot.  What began as a random scrap of story in junior high has morphed into a vast sprawling world of its own.  I enjoy writing a lot and seeing how things fit together, and trying to use that to gain perspective on the real world.


And there are always random other things to take care of, random situations to help sort through, and fun stuff like bobbin lace classes with a friend, or walking the dog, or... you know, life.


So on the days when everything seems to be like a lot to breathe around, I'm working on learning to rejoice that things are as they are -- because He's good.

Conversation with Dana

It is the loveliest dorm on campus, in my mind, and I was tired of studying poli sci, so I went there to see a friend and take a break.  She was on duty for the weekend so I figured that she'd be there.  Being friends with RAs can be like being friends with someone who's under house arrest; it is a real nuisance if you want to go somewhere with them, but it does tend to make them easier to find.


Anyway.  Fiona was there, but she was just about to go off to dinner, so I sat down on her floor and chatted with her until she was ready to leave and then I stood up, intending to head back to the library.  Her roommate, Dana, was still in the room and we kept half talking with each other -- the awkward kind of conversation that happens when one person is half trying to leave but not really in any hurry.


I ended up pulling out a chair and we sat and talked for a good while.  And it was good, and so unexpected.  We've vaguely known each other since sometime my junior year, and she has spent a lot of time with my group of girls, and we had talked some before, but it is always a lovely surprise to me when I end up having an excellent, thoughtful conversation with someone new.  It is like discovering a new author.  *smile*


That conversation though was a sort of picture of what these last two weeks feel like.   Good, but bittersweet because I am reminded that I am moving on from this place.  I won't be able to simply wander down from the library into McKee.  And I know that there will be other places and other people to have conversations with, I know that God provides, but -- and Dana was saying this when we talked -- I like the way things are.  I don't want God to have to provide something new.  It is hard.


It is hard to trust that what is, is enough.


And the conversation, which meandered down paths of friendships and stories from our lives, of Lord of the Rings and of perspective gained on past hard times and God's goodness, turned to our gladness in having been baptized as infants.  Of having been bound since we were born to the sure hope of the promise that God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good.

Me and Inigo Montoya Should Be Best Friends

This has been an odd semester.  One that keeps reminding me that my plans are not the ultimate answer.

I like making plans; they make me feel secure and balanced and knowledgeable.  I do not really enjoy when people ask me, "So, what will you be doing __________?" and I say, "Uh....I don't know yet."  Generally I mumble for a moment about potential ideas that I have.  And that's not bad, but I'm not a huge fan.

So there I was in China last semester, realizing that I would be graduating in May if all went according to schedule, and that meant I would need something to do after May.  Since presumably I could not just go into hibernation and vanish into thin air for a year until I was ready to think about grad school.

So I made a plan and I thought that it was a rather good plan; I'd apply to CCO.  Then I could work with college students and do ministry, and I already had connections with the ministry program, and I like spending time with those people.  Perfect, right?

I interviewed with them and they said, "Sorry, we don't want to hire you on as full-time staff, but we'd like you to consider an internship."  I said okay.  That wasn't what I wanted exactly, but that way I had a plan, right?

I got back to campus that afternoon and had mail from ELIC in my mailbox.  I had been missing China and so going back and teaching English sounded like a really good idea.  So I applied, waiting to hear back more about the CCO internship.  Doors kept opening to go back to China and I thought this was pretty cool, this is perfect.  I didn't hear anything else about the internship until things with ELIC were pretty close to all worked out, so when ELIC offered me a job, I said yes, of course.

China is not the easiest place in the world to get access into, and one of the pieces of paperwork needed is a blood lab report saying that you don't have HIV.  I have learned that this test can take what feels like an exceedingly long time to come back.

There are also these things called deadlines, which, trust me, sometimes seem to be half of what you are learning about in college.

Deadlines and things that are due sometimes collide in rather unseemly ways.

So right now I'm waiting to see if the HIV test results come back soon enough to mail to ELIC so that they can in turn send documents to China.

I am guessing that I could probably give Inigo Montoya a run for his money in a competition to see which of us hates waiting more.  It is just not fun.  My friend Tyler is in a similar boat right now, waiting to hear back from an interview.  We commiserate over the miseries of not knowing.  We're okay with the results one way or another, we say, but what kills us is the not knowing.

As a sidenote, it has been astonishing me how very okay I am with the results either way.  I do love China deeply, and, as I was talking to someone about yesterday when he asked to hear the story of how I ended up with ELIC, it really did seem perfect.  Like I had been perfectly set up by my life to do this, like all the doors just opened.  Until the HIV test, one of us said.

Yep, until that.  And I am content to think that if God is closing the door on what seemed perfect, that it's because he has something better in mind.  More on that sometime, perhaps, seeing where this goes.

I've had to think about a lot of the verses that I prefer to gloss over.  It really is incredible what the Holy Spirit brings to mind at crazy times.  Exodus 14 is my current favorite.  That's when Pharaoh is chasing the Israelites with the whole Egyptian army and they get stuck right up against the sea.  Understandably, they all start freaking out.  I think that anyone with a modicum of sense would, with certain death on either side.  Being a slave suddenly starts to sound, well, appealing.

Here's what the Israelites, stuck in this position, had to say:

Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.
(Exodus 14:11-12 ESV)

And here was Moses' response.  Which I love.

Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.
(Exodus 14:13-14 ESV)

I'd guess that you know the rest of the story; God tells the Israelites to go forward and he makes a path through the sea, opening it right before them and then closing it over their enemies.

When everything seems closed in, God makes a way to places that we couldn't even see.

Periodicals

We were up on the top floor of the library, reading our periodicals for poli sci when I interrupted Fiona.  "This is a bad statistic," I said, and then realized that had been a poor way to word it.  I wasn't questioning its validity, just stating that it is a problem.  It's bad.

"The average price of a human being today," says researcher Kevin Bales, "is about $90."  That's the price averaged across the global market.  In North America, slaves go for between $3,000 to $8,000.  In India or Nepal, you can buy a human being for $5 to $10."

So says the February edition of Sojourners magazine.

And so we talked about -- because we wonder about -- what on earth are we doing sitting on the third floor of the library, reading the news from all over the world and then writing reports on it when other people are being sold?  What's the purpose?

And we didn't come to any firm answers, although we talked for a while longer and I will probably be blogging through some of the conversations/questions that Fiona and I keep running into.  We know there is a purpose for which God has put us where He has -- that we have been given the chance to be in college now, that we are who we are.

But still...

I think it is good to be reminded sometimes of what else life could so easily look like.  To be thankful to God for all that He has spared us, and to wrestle with what faithfulness looks like, and to stay brokenhearted for the broken.

Making Peace With Proximate Justice: A Speech and Questions with Steve Garber

I'm sitting upstairs in Skye Lounge, listening to Steve Garber speak.

Did you hear that? Steve Garber. My parents gave me his book The Fabric of Faithfulness and I thought I was too young for it, not even going to college yet, and it was dense, pulling together pieces of pop culture and the Bible and classics and questions. But I waded through it -- probably more because I am stubborn than anything else -- and it was like Till We Have Faces, pieces of it nagging at the back of my mind. I don't think I could have been more than fifteen or sixteen. That gave me time to reread it, to let things percolate through the filter of my life.

And it has been good.

So it is a huge blessing to get to hear him speak.

He began talking about Jon Stewart and Rush Limbaugh. Here's his summary.

Jon Stewart: If you knew what I knew, you'd be cynical too.

Rush Limbaugh: If you knew what I knew, you'd be angry too.

And Garber asks, Can you know the world and still love the world? Or do you simply become more detached and disinterested the more you come to know.

About how John le Carre's novels, and how people read them and say That's just the way it is, Garber asks -- really? If that is just the way it is, what are we doing here? What is the point?

About his time in Washington DC, he says, I've lived there to push back the cynicism of the city.

Is justice just crap? If it isn't, what is it? How do we live that out in the context of American pluralism?

He talks about how people come to Washington full of visions, sure that they can change everything because they deeply care about what is right and God does too. And about how making politics is no clean business and you have to find a way to stick with it. To make peace with proximate justice and accept what is something, even if it is not everything, and to continue on rather than dropping out. That you cannot say it must be everything that I am envisioning or it will be nothing because it hurts too much. That you have to have enough confidence in God to accept something.

About Israel and a friend of his who has come to deeply care for it, how if you are serious about it, you have to take seriously the hopes of the people who live there. On both sides. The solution may not be perfect, but it will be something.

About Blood:Water Mission, and the difficulty of continuing a charitable project when people rip you off and take advantage of you. How do you make peace with proximate justice?

About Mars and M&Ms and the search for a vision that cares for economics and people and earth. How all these things should weave together in a fulfillment of the shalom promised in jubilee.

So we make peace with proximate justice, accept that the world is not yet as it one day will be, live in the tension of redemption before the consummation.

He talks about how the culture is upstream from politics. What we want shapes the policies that we have, and it is not easy or cheap to change politics. But what needs to be changed will not be addressed until we care about it, until it matters to us.

And he wraps up with a question and a challenge to this roomful of college students: Does Christianity provide the answer to the complexity of these questions? You need to be able to answer this.

And I am glad to have heard him.

The Story Woven

The ground was white with snow.

We were spending the weekend in a "cabin" -- sort of a hunting retreat -- in the middle of nowhere, four hours' drive, slow behind the plow/salt truck. It was a long weekend for most of us, with no classes on Monday for MLK day, and we were taking some time to sleep and read, do homework and cook and catch up with each other's lives. With no internet access. With no phone service, except the landline, kept for emergencies.

And so -- Saturday -- we went for a walk in the woods. (A suibien kind of walk, my Chinese friends would say. It took me a while to explain that to my roommate once. I said I was going for a walk. "Where?" she asked. "Around campus," I said. "Where?" she asked. "I don't know," I said. "Nowhere." She stared at me. "Why?" "No reason, I just want to." She smiled. "Oh, a a suibien walk," she said, with understanding. It took me longer to get a general feel for what suibien meant. Random. Whatever you want.)

We slipped around on the ice and put our feet through where it was thin, endangering our shoes with the hidden pockets of freezing, muddy water. We posed on the hillside and took pictures.

And on our way back to the cabin, I took a deep breath. Thinking again about Proverbs 3:27, about a conversation that I had known I wanted to have from the time I decided to go to the cabin for that weekend.

Proverbs 3:17 says: Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. I tend to think of that especially in terms of encouraging people, when you have a sense of perspective on their life that they are likely to not be able to see on their own.

If you've read older posts, maybe you've seen this one, the one called It's a Wonderful Life. If you haven't, the story makes more sense if you read it.

So I walked a little faster and caught up to him. We talked about jobs and school and such. And then I took another breath and said Thank you. I don't really remember exactly how I explained it. But I know that he is continuing to be in positions of authority; he has a wife, he has men under him. And he has much to offer in terms of growing them.

It unlocked parts of the weekend that wouldn't have been there, otherwise. Some laughter, because we got to know each other better than we would have. Some discussion, washing dishes -- So what has God been teaching you? What have you been learning? -- that came far more naturally when we knew that there was a context for it to fall into, that we'd already been part of the same conversation, if not really introduced to each other before.

It is beautiful how God weaves life together.

The Goodness of God

This point keeps coming up recently:

We sin because we don't really believe that God is good.

Last weekend I was at a staff training seminar for CCO where Tim Geiger, who works for Harvest USA, was speaking. His focus was sexual sin (and holiness), and he was talking about how sin -- any sin -- is based in a desire for something that's good. The problem is that we move this from being a good desire into being an ultimate end, something we're determined to get at any cost.

Tim Keller made this same point very well in Counterfeit Gods.

And I was discussing this last night with ZhongguoTim [okay, I realize that I have now talked about three Tims in a row. Not sure why that's how it happened, but there it is]. I know that this is where sin comes from -- that

each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:14-15) --

but I need to keep hearing it. It's easy to justify my behaviors and find acceptable behaviors that are still motivated by sin. We talked about grades, about building relationships with people. Are these motivated by desires to glorify God? Or to feel in control?

James gives us the antidote for this poisonous inclination in the next few verses.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James 1:16-17)

If we believe that everything good comes from God, then we will trust Him.

We talked about this again today in my Environmental Ethics class, when we were discussing how God had decreed that Israel give the land a rest every seven years. How hard would that have been to obey? I would have thought, Are You crazy? I'll starve! My teacher summed it up well. "We think that if we obey God, bad things will happen."

Yep. There's the heart of the lie we believe.

So instead... we have to let go of trusting in ourselves and cling to the risky belief that God is trustworthy, that He is good. That He is omniscient and does know all of our circumstances. That He's omnipotent and has the power to work all things for good. That He's omnipresent and is with us in everything, is working in everything.

And mostly that He is all good, and that He desires good for His children.

Habits

[As a slight disclaimer... I've been meaning to post this for about a month, and just haven't gotten around to it. Not that it makes much difference, but here it is.]

I was reading The Divine Conspiracy (still; it didn't make my packing list for China so it kind of got put on hold) and hit a section on how much sin comes from habits.

I've thought more about habits in the past three months than I probably ever had before, because as soon as we got to China we started realizing that we had all kind of habits that were so deeply engrained we didn't even realize that they were habits, we just thought they were how life was. And we longed to rebuild a similar set of routine habits, so that we could do things like eat and buy groceries and shower on autopilot. It takes a lot of energy to consciously think about everything that we do in the course of a day.

Anyway, I think there is a lot to be said for what was being said in Divine Conspiracy: our habits are so unthought about that it's hard to remember that they exist, and it's hard to put effort into making whole something so ingrained that we've forgotten it's broken.

There are plenty of examples of this. I mean, why does George Bailey never fix the knob on the railing in It's a Wonderful Life? Does he even remember that it shouldn't pop off all the time by the end of the movie? Or last year, I went to a party at a friend's house and fell through one of his porch steps on the way up. Someone mentioned it and his response was along the lines of, “Oh yeah, that's been broken, you just have to skip it.” Or... fix it?

Maybe that was part of what was so radical and vital about the Reformation, the requickening of the idea that God says “Mine” about all of creation. That it's not just about Sundays and holidays and the clergy, but equally about Monday morning and Friday nigh, about the butcher and the baker and the candlestick maker.

That God is just as interested in the money that we don't give in tithes and offerings as He is in the money that we throw into the offering plate.

So the motto of CCO that I grew up around – All of life redeemed – is a precious and beautiful one to have woven into your being.

And I think about Ann Voskamp (www.aholyexperience.com) and yes, how seeking to give thanks for all things at all times – this will protect us from much sin. It forces intentionality about many of the hidden desires of our hearts. It begins making whole what we forgot was there, let alone broken.