Sometimes, it is so good to be reminded --
that the job that I do every day --
the every-day routines that seem so mundane:
waking up before 6 --
washing lipstick off of mugs --
tamping down espresso --
making change --
it matters.
It's about more than getting people their caffeine
So that they de-zombify.
It's about more than getting a paycheck,
More than having a respectable job.
It's about creating a space
Where people feel safe
To walk in and answer honestly
When we ask: Hey, how're you doing?
It's about bringing people together
As they see each other over and over
So they start to see each other
And to ask questions.
What's your name?
What do you do?
It's about facilitating opportunities
For people to get to know each other
To let down their walls
To search.
To find.
To be found.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Thursday, October 16, 2014
This belongs to my Father... so why would I be afraid?
The past two weeks all of my Bible studies have seemed to be of a piece -- which, I know, should not surprise me at all. And I'm not surprised, exactly, but it's beautiful, and timely.
In Exodus with BCCC and HopePres, we've discussed/argued/wrestled with the idea of God's sovereignty. How can you not, looking at the exodus and seeing His might -- and wondering about why He left them in slavery for 400 years? It's all unfathomable to us when we try to answer the why questions... but it's taught so clearly. We've talked about Job, too, about looking to Who, not why.
Then at CBS, we've been studying 1 John, where he hammers away (over and over and over...) at the dangerous lie of gnosticism, the insidious creeping of the Platonic notion that the spiritual is pure and the material is tainted, evil.
Last night, with my little group from HopePres, we sat around in Jake's living room, discussing creation, God's sovereignty and goodness, the eschaton, how gnosticism still rears its head in the popular escapist culture of Left Behind.
It's amazing, elegant, how the beginning plays the whole way through to the end. How what we believe about the creation (Did God really make it? Was it really good? Is it still good?) informs how we live now, what we look forward to in the end times.
There were three things that our conversation last night made me think about.
The first is Paul's words to the Athenians, telling them that the unknown God they were worshipping is the Creator and Lord of everything. That He doesn't need anything from them -- but rather He has ordained all of history, "allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place," creating humans in His image so that "they might feel their way toward Him and find Him."
Those words in turn always remind me of a quote from the movie adaptation of City of Joy.
Over all these thoughts, over all of the news stories of ebola and WMDs, of death and devastation, the words of the hymn This is My Father's World echo in my heart. It is all His, and He is all good, and so I can trust that nothing in creation will be able to tear me out of His hand. Come what may, I can live with confidence and joy.
In Exodus with BCCC and HopePres, we've discussed/argued/wrestled with the idea of God's sovereignty. How can you not, looking at the exodus and seeing His might -- and wondering about why He left them in slavery for 400 years? It's all unfathomable to us when we try to answer the why questions... but it's taught so clearly. We've talked about Job, too, about looking to Who, not why.
Then at CBS, we've been studying 1 John, where he hammers away (over and over and over...) at the dangerous lie of gnosticism, the insidious creeping of the Platonic notion that the spiritual is pure and the material is tainted, evil.
Last night, with my little group from HopePres, we sat around in Jake's living room, discussing creation, God's sovereignty and goodness, the eschaton, how gnosticism still rears its head in the popular escapist culture of Left Behind.
It's amazing, elegant, how the beginning plays the whole way through to the end. How what we believe about the creation (Did God really make it? Was it really good? Is it still good?) informs how we live now, what we look forward to in the end times.
There were three things that our conversation last night made me think about.
The first is Paul's words to the Athenians, telling them that the unknown God they were worshipping is the Creator and Lord of everything. That He doesn't need anything from them -- but rather He has ordained all of history, "allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place," creating humans in His image so that "they might feel their way toward Him and find Him."
Those words in turn always remind me of a quote from the movie adaptation of City of Joy.
Maybe the world is meant to break your heart.And doesn't it, though? Both with the grievous sorrows that our hearts can't stand up to and the bright joys that we can't bear?
Over all these thoughts, over all of the news stories of ebola and WMDs, of death and devastation, the words of the hymn This is My Father's World echo in my heart. It is all His, and He is all good, and so I can trust that nothing in creation will be able to tear me out of His hand. Come what may, I can live with confidence and joy.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Re-Creation: attempt at synthesis of recent illustrations
Remember the day, Love
when You molded man of earth
bent down and breathed Your life into him?
Remember the love that spun out
Flung flagrantly through creation
Wefted into the singing universe's fabric?
And yet history tears and twists
Under the cutting weight of the damning record:
Rebellious subjects, a whoring bride.
We fled from You to the muddiest pits
Forming images of ourselves to proclaim our glory
Defiling Your image and defying Your authority.
We clung to these idols, gave them our breath
Offered our lives to make them grow strong
Glutted them with our children's souls.
After such sin, what forgiveness?
Think now -- oh my God.
What hope of homecoming, of reconciliation?
And yet You bring all stories full circle
Bending low to become a second Adam
God incarnate, Logos in flesh.
Dying to ransom our forsworn souls
From the crushing maw of death
Overturning the enemy's schemes with divine irony.
Resurrecting as guarantee of our future
Rest on the seventh day, Light on the first
Breathing new life into our stone hearts.
Finally comes the call, a reiteration
Giving the mission to Your restored image-bearers
To carry Your glory into all creation.
For this, Triune God, I'll forever worship:
That You still look on all you have made
And joyfully claim that it is Yours and is good.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Aggravating the Sin of Discontentment
Two points from The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment that I've been thinking over recently.
The more palpable and remarkable the hand of God appears to bring about an affliction, the greater is the sin of murmuring and discontentment under an affliction.
So yeah -- when I can't understand why something is happening, because it makes no sense to me -- maybe then I should take a lesson from Job and close my mouth, trusting that of course God is working.
To be discontented though God has been exercising us for a long time under afflictions, yet still to remain discontented [is a great sin]... So when you are first a Christian and newly come into the work of Christ, perhaps you make a noise and cannot bear affliction, but are you an old Christian and yet will you be a murmuring Christian? Oh, it is a shame for any who are old believers, who have been a long time in the school of Jesus Christ, to have murmuring and discontented spirits.
So I pray to be a better student.
The more palpable and remarkable the hand of God appears to bring about an affliction, the greater is the sin of murmuring and discontentment under an affliction.
So yeah -- when I can't understand why something is happening, because it makes no sense to me -- maybe then I should take a lesson from Job and close my mouth, trusting that of course God is working.
To be discontented though God has been exercising us for a long time under afflictions, yet still to remain discontented [is a great sin]... So when you are first a Christian and newly come into the work of Christ, perhaps you make a noise and cannot bear affliction, but are you an old Christian and yet will you be a murmuring Christian? Oh, it is a shame for any who are old believers, who have been a long time in the school of Jesus Christ, to have murmuring and discontented spirits.
So I pray to be a better student.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Hebrews
We live in the time of the fullness of the revelation of God.
Although we are utterly undeserving of the least scrap of His grace,
unworthy of even the common mercies upon which our continued existence constantly depends,
meriting only His outpoured wrath --
The eternal, infinite, righteous, holy God calls us near.
Calls us children.
Calls us beloved.
And knowing that it is utterly impossible for us to cross the chasm that we created,
that cut us off from Him,
God made a way for us.
Old Testament believers also lived in the grace of God,
yet He did not grant to them to see the outcome of their faith,
choosing instead to provide something better for us.
We live in the age of the in-between,
bearing witness to the coming of Christ
which was foreshadowed by all of the signs and sacrifices under the old covenant.
At the same time we, like the saints who came before, are called to live by faith;
to acknowledge that we are strangers and aliens in this world,
pilgrims on a long road who press on to gain the heavenly reality of the city of God.
Although we once were condemned rebels
we are called to confident communion with our Creator.
Our fitting response to His grace is wholehearted, reverent worship;
to leave all that hinders us behind,
to look to the joy
to listen to His voice,
and to run unwavering toward Him.
We do this not in our own strength,
but surrounded by the faithful witnesses of a long legacy of grace,
in genuine, costly community with our brothers and sisters.
We follow Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith
The Pioneer of our path.
Our end is dependent on the same grace as our beginning:
the generous, abundant provision of God in equipping us
with everything good to do His will,
working in us that which is pleasing in His sight
through Jesus Christ
to the ultimate end of His glory forever.
Although we are utterly undeserving of the least scrap of His grace,
unworthy of even the common mercies upon which our continued existence constantly depends,
meriting only His outpoured wrath --
The eternal, infinite, righteous, holy God calls us near.
Calls us children.
Calls us beloved.
And knowing that it is utterly impossible for us to cross the chasm that we created,
that cut us off from Him,
God made a way for us.
Old Testament believers also lived in the grace of God,
yet He did not grant to them to see the outcome of their faith,
choosing instead to provide something better for us.
We live in the age of the in-between,
bearing witness to the coming of Christ
which was foreshadowed by all of the signs and sacrifices under the old covenant.
At the same time we, like the saints who came before, are called to live by faith;
to acknowledge that we are strangers and aliens in this world,
pilgrims on a long road who press on to gain the heavenly reality of the city of God.
Although we once were condemned rebels
we are called to confident communion with our Creator.
Our fitting response to His grace is wholehearted, reverent worship;
to leave all that hinders us behind,
to look to the joy
to listen to His voice,
and to run unwavering toward Him.
We do this not in our own strength,
but surrounded by the faithful witnesses of a long legacy of grace,
in genuine, costly community with our brothers and sisters.
We follow Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith
The Pioneer of our path.
Our end is dependent on the same grace as our beginning:
the generous, abundant provision of God in equipping us
with everything good to do His will,
working in us that which is pleasing in His sight
through Jesus Christ
to the ultimate end of His glory forever.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
9/11: reflections
It's been thirteen years since 9/11, and four or five since I asked people to write their memories of that day for a project that I was doing in college. I had been struck by what a vivid and vulnerable topic it remained to so many other students; the event that first caused us to really be aware of the world.
Many people wrote on similar themes: where they were and what they were doing when they first heard the news; how hard it was to believe it, to reconcile what was happening with what we believed about America; how life changed in the days after yet remained oddly normal; how they saw God's hand at work. And through it all, grief and hope. Many said that they had never written about it before, which didn't surprise me -- it came up in conversations often in college, but it was almost taboo. It was a memory that still hurt. But many who wrote also expressed the importance of remembering and seemed glad to have a way to talk about what had happened and to reflect on ways that it had changed their world. So here are a few pieces of responses. I'd love to hear your thoughts and memories, too.
I was in Bible class and I overheard someone just mention that the towers had collapsed and I laughed out loud-- thinking, I can't believe someone would believe that! (oh jeez.)
Many people wrote on similar themes: where they were and what they were doing when they first heard the news; how hard it was to believe it, to reconcile what was happening with what we believed about America; how life changed in the days after yet remained oddly normal; how they saw God's hand at work. And through it all, grief and hope. Many said that they had never written about it before, which didn't surprise me -- it came up in conversations often in college, but it was almost taboo. It was a memory that still hurt. But many who wrote also expressed the importance of remembering and seemed glad to have a way to talk about what had happened and to reflect on ways that it had changed their world. So here are a few pieces of responses. I'd love to hear your thoughts and memories, too.
I was in Bible class and I overheard someone just mention that the towers had collapsed and I laughed out loud-- thinking, I can't believe someone would believe that! (oh jeez.)
I didn’t understand completely what was going on, they were talking about a terrorist attack, and showing video of smoke and fire from the 1st of the trade center towers. In 6th grade you don’t know what terrorism is. I saw an unfortunate accident of some kind unfolding in New York City. Next period [our teacher] had the same channel on. On my way from one class to the next in those 5 minutes someone had crashed another plane into the 2nd of the towers. I was beginning to understand the meaning of terrorism.
I have never written anything about 9/11, but I did commemorate it in different ways. Days after the attack, I secretly took newspapers and magazines talking about the attack and what was going on, making a folder of news clippings and a magazine to keep for myself as a little time capsule, to never let me forget.
I guess it did make me see America as a bit more vulnerable than I had previously thought it to be. I mean, I grew up feeling like we were completely secure and like most kids my age, believing nothing bad could happen on American soil.
This did make the world seem small and very intertwined.
I sat down at the small, black and white TV in the kitchen and watched, horrified and disbelieving. Occasionally, I had to look up from the TV and check my surroundings to be sure I was awake and that I wasn't just watching a terrible made-for-TV movie...
Tears ran down my cheeks and my stomach clenched as I watched frantic people call from upper floors of the towers and finally become so desperate as to jump to their deaths rather than face whatever horrors were going on behind them. I at once felt my own helpless impotence and profound thankfulness that my loved ones and I were safely away from such horrifying scenes of death and destruction.
When the towers fell, when the Pentagon reports came, when the plane crashed in a Pennsylvania field, I watched but I couldn't comprehend it. This sort of thing did not happen to us, to Americans. We were immune, weren't we?
I knew, of course, that we as a nation, as a world, were changed forever, though on that day my mind was too stunned to realize it consciously.
I remember being in a kind of shock... it was all so surreal in a terrifying way and I really didn't know how to cope with it. The result is that I ended up burying a LOT of memories from that day, which is why my description is kind of... well, short and vague.
Those following days were also striking visually for me. I love to look at the sky and I was struck by the absence of jet trails and the quietness of the heavens, as if they finally got a break from the screaming engines.
The picture of the planes were on the television. I sank in a chair and could only remember that it was not long ago that I was working in that tower. The many men and women that had been laughed with over a luncheon...in discussions with over details of work needing implementation...rode up and down the elevator with...were suddenly flooding my mind as I realized that many of them were now gone!
Mom was giving the girls instructions and laughing with them about something. "Hey honey," she said as Dad walked in.
"Have you read the news today?" he asked soberly.
"No."
"Well, I can see that. If you had, you wouldn't be laughing." I remember those words as clearly as though it were yesterday. But it was just one little moment of interruption. I was a happy, naive eight-year-old and I was so far away from all of that. I didn't see a picture of it, or news coverage or anything until years later.
After 9/11 the world became a more fearful place. Nobody's safety can be guaranteed. Of course, that was already true before 9/11; we Americans just didn't think that way about the world. We believed in American exceptionalism, an unexamined faith without foundations. Now we must think another way.
We rushed to our friend's house and sat with her and prayed as first one tower then the other collapsed. I caught her before she hit the floor in total and utter despair. We watched, we cried, we prayed. And then the phone rang.
It was her husband. He was safe. He got out before the tower he was in fell.
Every anniversary of nine eleven has been moving and what touched me the most were the volunteers that helped.
That night I began to realize this was a time the world would never go back to what it had been before - that things would never feel as safe as before.
I saw in disbelief as we watched the towers fall.
Went home. Normal everyday things continued to happen. Homeschool, hanging laundry, etc. But everything seemed surreal and in slow motion. I went to work the next day, but only stayed a short time. There was too much angst, and it was more important to be home with my family.
Probably the best thing that came out of this really horrible situation was that this was the first time I had ever really been faced with a life situation that had the potential to drastically change my life-circumstances and even possibly lead to death.
It humanized people globally for me.
I’ve reflected on that question I asked myself early on during that morning of 9/11 – what kind of a world will my kids grow up in? Ultimately the answer is the same as it was before 9/11 – a fallen world being redeemed by a holy, gracious and loving Father. The Bible talks about the creation groaning as in the pangs of child birth. Those pangs were especially strong that day – but we know that those pangs are the precursor to the birth of a new heavens and a new earth, where Christ shall reign in glory and power for ever and ever. For me, that hope was intensified on 9/11, and so I pray with renewed fervor – “Amen. Come Lord Jesus”.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
A Truth Not Self-Evident
Maybe it's sufficient to say that lately, I've been musing on the subtle dangers of thinking that only the things that are self-evident are truths. My reason is fallen, twisted. The tracks that my thoughts run on are warped, crooked, still built on sometimes treacherous ground. My emotions, too, are not reliable; things that seem sure at one time look obviously foolish later on.
Lately, contentment (or the lack thereof) has been a commonly recurring subject in conversations, in sermons, in books. How quickly we are swayed from looking to Christ, from seeing the goodness of God in all of life, and how prone we are to focusing on ourselves. We comfort ourselves with things that sound like truth but are clever lies. "I can be thankful because [fill in the blank with whatever 'worse thing'] has not happened."
No.
That is not why I can be thankful.
I can be thankful, can be content, in any circumstance, because God is good. Not because something worse hasn't happened. Certainly, it is right and fitting that I thank God for the abundant blessings that He has flooded me with -- but even these good things, the obvious things, the self-evident blessings can become idols.
Ultimately, God alone is the good that I need, the foundation and end of my contentment and gratitude. And that is a truth which is not self-evident to my mind, tainted idol-factory that it is. It's a truth that I need to be reminded of, over and over again.
One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in His temple...
You have said, "Seek My face."
My heart says to You,
"Your face, Lord, do I seek."
{Psalm 27:4, 8}
This is what I want to be true of me, that there will be one thing that I am asking and seeking for, one response that I give. God commands, invites me to seek Him, and promises over and over that those who seek Him wholeheartedly will find Him.
That is not a self-evident truth. It's grace.
It's grounds for contentment in all circumstance.
Lately, contentment (or the lack thereof) has been a commonly recurring subject in conversations, in sermons, in books. How quickly we are swayed from looking to Christ, from seeing the goodness of God in all of life, and how prone we are to focusing on ourselves. We comfort ourselves with things that sound like truth but are clever lies. "I can be thankful because [fill in the blank with whatever 'worse thing'] has not happened."
No.
That is not why I can be thankful.
I can be thankful, can be content, in any circumstance, because God is good. Not because something worse hasn't happened. Certainly, it is right and fitting that I thank God for the abundant blessings that He has flooded me with -- but even these good things, the obvious things, the self-evident blessings can become idols.
Ultimately, God alone is the good that I need, the foundation and end of my contentment and gratitude. And that is a truth which is not self-evident to my mind, tainted idol-factory that it is. It's a truth that I need to be reminded of, over and over again.
One thing have I asked of the Lord,
that will I seek after:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to inquire in His temple...
You have said, "Seek My face."
My heart says to You,
"Your face, Lord, do I seek."
{Psalm 27:4, 8}
This is what I want to be true of me, that there will be one thing that I am asking and seeking for, one response that I give. God commands, invites me to seek Him, and promises over and over that those who seek Him wholeheartedly will find Him.
That is not a self-evident truth. It's grace.
It's grounds for contentment in all circumstance.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Day Before Moving
I had a list of things I wanted to post about, but my ipod seems to have eaten that list. I think I should forgive it -- it serves quite faithfully, all things considered.
So here I am, posting about something else entirely.
Like how I'm getting ready to move tomorrow. I've been sad about it all week, despite the fact that I'm crazily excited about where I'm moving to. (I've missed living in a university town.) Saying goodbyes are rough, and yanking up roots and starting somewhere new is also hard.
But it's been a good year, and I'm grateful for it.
Here's a few random highlights.
Being around awesome people who helped me get through the transitioning from China-to-America thing. Which means putting up with a lot of me reminiscing, ignoring them to talk to people on qq, and generally being slow about how life in America works.
Travel. Lots of trips to PA, a vacation with my family in Virginia, meeting friends old and new in Indiana, a reunion in Chicago, a museum in Kentucky, two trips to Canada, and a bunch of exploration in Ohio.
Story crafting. Spending a year living in an apartment with one of my best writing buddies means that we talked a lot about story worlds and hammered out countless small details that have granted a lot of richness to everything being imagined.
Deer in the yard next door. Because really, who expects to live in an apartment and get to see deer grow up and come back with new babies the next summer?
Friends. Working at Panera was, by turns, stretching and boring, but I had some fun coworkers and a lot of good memories with them. I had a fantastic bus driver at 5:23 am and a good church and other people who I got to know a little, customers, and clerks at ALDI and my friend Richard, the prayer warrior. There were lots of unexpected friendships and chances to catch up with old friends, too.
Turning laundry purple. Just one more of the hazards of me doing laundry. And having a shirt that was wayyyyy over-dyed. And having the laundry machine decide to fill with boiling water and refuse to drain. Good times.
The sky. The sunrises, sunsets, and everything in between out here are gorgeous.
Incredible food. Okay, so there were a few *cough* meals that were not so great. Some because they were just blehhh and some because I got a little carried away with the spices and they were sort of inedible. Kinda like the time in China when Bridge and I made curry and quadrupled how much curry paste we put in. But overall, with a long, cold winter and a kitchen for me to play in, I had a lot of fun experimenting and making meals.
Beautiful parks. The metroparks around here are a huuuuge perk to living in this area. They're like playgrounds for adults, if rock hopping and hiking is your cup of tea.
Good libraries. Both the official libraries and getting to raid my roommate's impressive collection of books.
God has been very good to me throughout this past year. And although I'm sad to say goodbye to what has become familiar, I'm anticipating seeing His goodness in the year to come.
So here I am, posting about something else entirely.
Like how I'm getting ready to move tomorrow. I've been sad about it all week, despite the fact that I'm crazily excited about where I'm moving to. (I've missed living in a university town.) Saying goodbyes are rough, and yanking up roots and starting somewhere new is also hard.
But it's been a good year, and I'm grateful for it.
compilation from Thanksgiving
Here's a few random highlights.
Being around awesome people who helped me get through the transitioning from China-to-America thing. Which means putting up with a lot of me reminiscing, ignoring them to talk to people on qq, and generally being slow about how life in America works.
my "little" brother Ib
tools in the gunsmith shop in CW
Story crafting. Spending a year living in an apartment with one of my best writing buddies means that we talked a lot about story worlds and hammered out countless small details that have granted a lot of richness to everything being imagined.
Deer in the yard next door. Because really, who expects to live in an apartment and get to see deer grow up and come back with new babies the next summer?
Friends. Working at Panera was, by turns, stretching and boring, but I had some fun coworkers and a lot of good memories with them. I had a fantastic bus driver at 5:23 am and a good church and other people who I got to know a little, customers, and clerks at ALDI and my friend Richard, the prayer warrior. There were lots of unexpected friendships and chances to catch up with old friends, too.
Mel... squishing an owl so we could send a picture to Hilary
Turning laundry purple. Just one more of the hazards of me doing laundry. And having a shirt that was wayyyyy over-dyed. And having the laundry machine decide to fill with boiling water and refuse to drain. Good times.
The sky. The sunrises, sunsets, and everything in between out here are gorgeous.
pick any given day, the show is always open and there's lots of room to spare
trick is to give away the thing you're always doing that keeps you stuck somewhere
{Glory Streams, Michael Kelly Blanchard}
Incredible food. Okay, so there were a few *cough* meals that were not so great. Some because they were just blehhh and some because I got a little carried away with the spices and they were sort of inedible. Kinda like the time in China when Bridge and I made curry and quadrupled how much curry paste we put in. But overall, with a long, cold winter and a kitchen for me to play in, I had a lot of fun experimenting and making meals.
we got pretty good at jiaozi. and satay. and butter chicken with naan.
Beautiful parks. The metroparks around here are a huuuuge perk to living in this area. They're like playgrounds for adults, if rock hopping and hiking is your cup of tea.
from the Creation Museum
Good libraries. Both the official libraries and getting to raid my roommate's impressive collection of books.
then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee
how great Thou art
how great Thou art
God has been very good to me throughout this past year. And although I'm sad to say goodbye to what has become familiar, I'm anticipating seeing His goodness in the year to come.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Tagged by the Sunshine Award
Well, it has been a while.
But my friend Ria Faith has tagged me to answer a few questions!
So here goes.
The rules:
1. Give 5 facts about yourself.
2. Nominate 5 other bloggers
3. Answer the blogger's questions
4. Display the sunshine banner!
The five facts:
1) I enjoy turbulence on airplanes. (Incidentally, this means I'm a very bad person to fly with if you don't like it.)
2) In college I was part of a re-enactment/swordfighting group, Dagorhir. (This is important. Just ask my China teammates.)
3) I love deciduous trees. (Does the fact that I've decided to embrace that make me a tree-hugger?)
4) My worst grade in college was in my taiji class. (It's still a sore subject.)
5) Since graduating high school a little over six years ago, I've lived in 8-12 different spots, depending on how you count.
The answers:
1) Name one big thing you'd like to accomplish before you die.
Finish. writing. Eon. This story that I started in high school turned into a massive project during college and has been alternately exasperating, intriguing, and consuming. I'd love to get it to the point that I can say, "Here's the story."
2) Who's your favorite actor/actress?
Benedict Cumberbatch probably qualifies as my favorite, given the fact that I watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy for him.
3) What's your favorite type of music?
Whatever's on my most-played list. ;-) I'm not sure my favorite is any particular genre, but I tend to like more acoustic music with lyrics that tell a story. I love the music of Josh Garrels, Mumford & Sons, and Jars of Clay.
4) What's your favorite color?
Orange, of course.
5) Are you a woodsy person or a city person?
Three years ago I would have told you that I hated cities. Now, having lived in two pretty large ones in China, I know that is not true. I enjoy living in cities and I love being in the woods. I hate suburban sprawl.
The nominations:
1) CarpeBanana
2) Boots and Blossoms
3) these
4) could be
5) you!
Haha. I guess I'm not much for nominations.
But here are my questions.
1) What's one thing that you learned in the past year that made you really pleased?
2) What's a quote or two that you want to define your life?
3) What is something you ask God?
4) If you could spend a week asking someone any questions that you wanted to, who would it be? (Choose a human. :-P)
5) What is a book that has been surprisingly influential in your life?
But my friend Ria Faith has tagged me to answer a few questions!
So here goes.
The rules:
1. Give 5 facts about yourself.
2. Nominate 5 other bloggers
3. Answer the blogger's questions
4. Display the sunshine banner!
The five facts:
1) I enjoy turbulence on airplanes. (Incidentally, this means I'm a very bad person to fly with if you don't like it.)
2) In college I was part of a re-enactment/swordfighting group, Dagorhir. (This is important. Just ask my China teammates.)
3) I love deciduous trees. (Does the fact that I've decided to embrace that make me a tree-hugger?)
4) My worst grade in college was in my taiji class. (It's still a sore subject.)
5) Since graduating high school a little over six years ago, I've lived in 8-12 different spots, depending on how you count.
The answers:
1) Name one big thing you'd like to accomplish before you die.
Finish. writing. Eon. This story that I started in high school turned into a massive project during college and has been alternately exasperating, intriguing, and consuming. I'd love to get it to the point that I can say, "Here's the story."
2) Who's your favorite actor/actress?
Benedict Cumberbatch probably qualifies as my favorite, given the fact that I watched Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy for him.
3) What's your favorite type of music?
Whatever's on my most-played list. ;-) I'm not sure my favorite is any particular genre, but I tend to like more acoustic music with lyrics that tell a story. I love the music of Josh Garrels, Mumford & Sons, and Jars of Clay.
4) What's your favorite color?
Orange, of course.
5) Are you a woodsy person or a city person?
Three years ago I would have told you that I hated cities. Now, having lived in two pretty large ones in China, I know that is not true. I enjoy living in cities and I love being in the woods. I hate suburban sprawl.
The nominations:
1) CarpeBanana
2) Boots and Blossoms
3) these
4) could be
5) you!
Haha. I guess I'm not much for nominations.
But here are my questions.
1) What's one thing that you learned in the past year that made you really pleased?
2) What's a quote or two that you want to define your life?
3) What is something you ask God?
4) If you could spend a week asking someone any questions that you wanted to, who would it be? (Choose a human. :-P)
5) What is a book that has been surprisingly influential in your life?
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
When Strangers are Kind
It was pouring.
Such that by the time I crossed the three (small) parking lots between Panera and Aldi, my shoes were soggy and squeaking and my pants were drenched well above my knees. I went past all of the people who were watching the rain pound down from the shelter of the overhang and zipped through the aisles to grab my two bags of oranges and two bags of carrots and hamburger buns. (See? I did buy something that wasn't orange!)
I checked out, loaded up my trusty backpack, and still had about twenty minutes before my bus was due. I may be willing to wade through a embryonic flood zone to get groceries, but I'm not quite so masochistic to want to stand in chilly rain for twenty minutes waiting for a bus. Particularly when it's the type of rain that seems to be determined to ignore my umbrella and soak me anyway. So I took a seat on the bagging counter. (Don't judge me too harshly. Several other people were doing the same thing.) I remembered that I still had half of a sandwich and pulled it out to finish it in the dry store before venturing back outside.
As I sat there, munching my sandwich and listening to the pounding rain, one of the cashiers came out of their break room. Over the past year, I've gotten to semi-know a few of the cashiers, since I'm in Aldi a few times a week. We said hi and discussed the crazy cloudburst and she asked if I was walking home or what, since I was obviously waiting. When I said I was taking the bus, she asked where I lived.
The lady (mid-60's?) who was at the counter next to me, bagging her groceries, looked up when I said and asked where exactly, so I told her which apartments.
After a moment, she said, "Oh, I'm going to the bank on the corner up there anyway-- if you'd like a ride with me, you're more than welcome."
Let's pause to consider this offer and how I answered. My options:
1) Wait in Aldi till the rain stopped and then catch the next bus. Since that was anyone's guess, there was no way I was planning to just chill there.
2) Go outside and wait for the bus and get more drenched. Hope that the bus came more or less on time. Ride the bus, get off at the bank, and then walk back to the apartment.
3) Ride with this lady, maybe have an interesting conversation, and walk back from the bank.
Any guesses?
Of course I chose option 3.
As she started driving, we made small talk. She told me what town she lived in and I admitted that I had no idea where that was, I've only lived here for a year. Yeah, I moved here.... from China.
Very interesting, she said, and I could hear wheels spinning in her head. But you're not from China originally...? she asked after a minute.
So then we talked about Pennsylvania and it turns out that her husband went to college there and knows a lot of people in the town where I went to college. We chatted about teaching because she was a teacher too and about what she's keeping busy with now in retirement. She asked me again where I live and I told her, and she started telling me about a woman who her church is helping who lives right around there. The conversation spun around to persecution in the Middle East and I wondered how it got there, why it got there.
I hadn't mentioned that I'm a Christian. I said I was teaching English in China. I had said where I went to college, so maybe she knew it's a Christian school. I'm also wearing a star of David necklace, so maybe that was a clue? But I'm not sure.
We talked about world events, about the role of US in international politics... and then we were to my apartment.
"My name's Joyce," she told me as I get ready to hop out of the car with my backpack.
"I'm Hannah," I told her, and thanked her again.
As I walked off and she pulled away, my heart was singing. It makes me so happy when people are kind, and it makes me even happier when I find Christians being kind to strangers.
Isn't it funny how God doesn't say that the world will know us by our intelligence? By how smart we are, how quickly we can respond with witty comebacks that will make everyone laugh, by how many facts we know?
Instead it's by our love. How we love one another, how we reach out to others in loving ways that simply don't make sense.
Like being kind enough to take the drenched stranger in Aldi home.
(photo credit to Ben Rumeau)
Such that by the time I crossed the three (small) parking lots between Panera and Aldi, my shoes were soggy and squeaking and my pants were drenched well above my knees. I went past all of the people who were watching the rain pound down from the shelter of the overhang and zipped through the aisles to grab my two bags of oranges and two bags of carrots and hamburger buns. (See? I did buy something that wasn't orange!)
I checked out, loaded up my trusty backpack, and still had about twenty minutes before my bus was due. I may be willing to wade through a embryonic flood zone to get groceries, but I'm not quite so masochistic to want to stand in chilly rain for twenty minutes waiting for a bus. Particularly when it's the type of rain that seems to be determined to ignore my umbrella and soak me anyway. So I took a seat on the bagging counter. (Don't judge me too harshly. Several other people were doing the same thing.) I remembered that I still had half of a sandwich and pulled it out to finish it in the dry store before venturing back outside.
As I sat there, munching my sandwich and listening to the pounding rain, one of the cashiers came out of their break room. Over the past year, I've gotten to semi-know a few of the cashiers, since I'm in Aldi a few times a week. We said hi and discussed the crazy cloudburst and she asked if I was walking home or what, since I was obviously waiting. When I said I was taking the bus, she asked where I lived.
The lady (mid-60's?) who was at the counter next to me, bagging her groceries, looked up when I said and asked where exactly, so I told her which apartments.
After a moment, she said, "Oh, I'm going to the bank on the corner up there anyway-- if you'd like a ride with me, you're more than welcome."
Let's pause to consider this offer and how I answered. My options:
1) Wait in Aldi till the rain stopped and then catch the next bus. Since that was anyone's guess, there was no way I was planning to just chill there.
2) Go outside and wait for the bus and get more drenched. Hope that the bus came more or less on time. Ride the bus, get off at the bank, and then walk back to the apartment.
3) Ride with this lady, maybe have an interesting conversation, and walk back from the bank.
Any guesses?
Of course I chose option 3.
As she started driving, we made small talk. She told me what town she lived in and I admitted that I had no idea where that was, I've only lived here for a year. Yeah, I moved here.... from China.
Very interesting, she said, and I could hear wheels spinning in her head. But you're not from China originally...? she asked after a minute.
So then we talked about Pennsylvania and it turns out that her husband went to college there and knows a lot of people in the town where I went to college. We chatted about teaching because she was a teacher too and about what she's keeping busy with now in retirement. She asked me again where I live and I told her, and she started telling me about a woman who her church is helping who lives right around there. The conversation spun around to persecution in the Middle East and I wondered how it got there, why it got there.
I hadn't mentioned that I'm a Christian. I said I was teaching English in China. I had said where I went to college, so maybe she knew it's a Christian school. I'm also wearing a star of David necklace, so maybe that was a clue? But I'm not sure.
We talked about world events, about the role of US in international politics... and then we were to my apartment.
"My name's Joyce," she told me as I get ready to hop out of the car with my backpack.
"I'm Hannah," I told her, and thanked her again.
As I walked off and she pulled away, my heart was singing. It makes me so happy when people are kind, and it makes me even happier when I find Christians being kind to strangers.
Years ago, my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be --" she always called me Elwood -- "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.{Jimmy Stewart in Harvey}
Isn't it funny how God doesn't say that the world will know us by our intelligence? By how smart we are, how quickly we can respond with witty comebacks that will make everyone laugh, by how many facts we know?
Instead it's by our love. How we love one another, how we reach out to others in loving ways that simply don't make sense.
Like being kind enough to take the drenched stranger in Aldi home.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Unexpected Opportunities for Ministry
What comes to mind when you think of ministry?
To give you fair warning, I considered titling this post "I do not think that word means what I think it means."
August 2012
I sat in a large room in a hotel in Beijing with my fellow students/teachers-in-training, listening to Amy warn us about ministry.
Whoever you think you're here to minister to, whatever you think your ministry will look like -- you're wrong! she told us. And because she's Amy, she told us stories that illustrated her point.
She had come to China to minister to students -- and ended up with bacterial meningitis, being ministered to by these same students.
Another year, a team of younger teachers came to visit her team every weekend. She hadn't gone to China to mentor them! But they kept showing up. She laughed as she told this story, because one of those "younger teachers" had gone on to become director of the program that all of us new teachers were in.
July 2014
My mom texted me that a guy from their church had invited himself over for a birthday party (which my family was going to be throwing for him, obviously.) I think this was a pretty wise choice on his part (my family does have a history of doing birthday parties well; over the years there have been themes from Barbie to Pilgrim's Progress to Mud to Olympics to Pirate to Umbrella.
And it made me think again about Amy's words: that ministry does not look like what you expect it to.
This has certainly been true in my family. My parents planned to adopt before they were married, but they didn't plan for our home to become an outreach-to-social-workers center. They made the plans to homeschool us, but they didn't know that two of us would spend months overseas, pouring into the lives of people who they had never gotten to meet.
There are so many things that we don't know, yet it's so easy to dream up expectations. When I move to a new place, start a new job, make a new friend, I immediately being imagining possibilities. More often than not, I'm wrong.
And for that, I am grateful. God's plans of how to use me, to use my life, are far better and more consequential and more exciting than my own.
I've found it to be a helpful premise to keep in mind when life throws curveballs -- when people ask questions that I wasn't expecting, when people ask for things that I wasn't planning to give, when I get to know people who I didn't think that I would. Ministry does not look like what I expect it to.
Here's what Proverbs 16:9 has to say:
And here's one of my favorite verses for guiding how to live in a way to seize opportunities for ministry, even when they are unexpected.
As God has been so generous in not withholding good from us, even when we were His enemies, shouldn't we imitate Him?
To give you fair warning, I considered titling this post "I do not think that word means what I think it means."
August 2012
I sat in a large room in a hotel in Beijing with my fellow students/teachers-in-training, listening to Amy warn us about ministry.
shenanigans while waiting for class to start
Whoever you think you're here to minister to, whatever you think your ministry will look like -- you're wrong! she told us. And because she's Amy, she told us stories that illustrated her point.
She had come to China to minister to students -- and ended up with bacterial meningitis, being ministered to by these same students.
Another year, a team of younger teachers came to visit her team every weekend. She hadn't gone to China to mentor them! But they kept showing up. She laughed as she told this story, because one of those "younger teachers" had gone on to become director of the program that all of us new teachers were in.
July 2014
My mom texted me that a guy from their church had invited himself over for a birthday party (which my family was going to be throwing for him, obviously.) I think this was a pretty wise choice on his part (my family does have a history of doing birthday parties well; over the years there have been themes from Barbie to Pilgrim's Progress to Mud to Olympics to Pirate to Umbrella.
And it made me think again about Amy's words: that ministry does not look like what you expect it to.
This has certainly been true in my family. My parents planned to adopt before they were married, but they didn't plan for our home to become an outreach-to-social-workers center. They made the plans to homeschool us, but they didn't know that two of us would spend months overseas, pouring into the lives of people who they had never gotten to meet.
one joy of having a huge, crazy family
is seeing how we get to minister together
to a wide range of people
There are so many things that we don't know, yet it's so easy to dream up expectations. When I move to a new place, start a new job, make a new friend, I immediately being imagining possibilities. More often than not, I'm wrong.
part of my team's ministry in China was to another North American family.
not what any of us expected, but a huge blessing to all of us!
I've found it to be a helpful premise to keep in mind when life throws curveballs -- when people ask questions that I wasn't expecting, when people ask for things that I wasn't planning to give, when I get to know people who I didn't think that I would. Ministry does not look like what I expect it to.
no one expected a lasting friendship to grow out of a few hours together.
Here's what Proverbs 16:9 has to say:
The heart of man plans his way,but Yahweh establishes his steps.
And here's one of my favorite verses for guiding how to live in a way to seize opportunities for ministry, even when they are unexpected.
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,when it is in your power to do it.(Proverbs 3:27)
As God has been so generous in not withholding good from us, even when we were His enemies, shouldn't we imitate Him?
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Thoughts about Loving
It was early morning and I was setting up the food line at Panera, listening to a few last songs on my mp3 player as I woke up, before we opened the doors to customers. Scraps of thoughts floated through my head.
Did I see music in here by a group called Everyone You Love Will Be Happy in the End? (It's actually "Soon" not "in the End," and an album, not a group. Oh well.)
That's kind of creepy.
What if it was true though? What if I really was sure that everyone who I loved would be happy in the end? Would know and love God?
That would be awesome.
But maybe then I'd just be lazy and be like, cool, well, everything will work out fine.
Or.
Or maybe....
I'd try to love everyone.
To really love them.
And that thought has been haunting me a bit ever since. Because I love many people, but there are many who I don't really love.
And they are all image-bearers.
And I long to love better.
Did I see music in here by a group called Everyone You Love Will Be Happy in the End? (It's actually "Soon" not "in the End," and an album, not a group. Oh well.)
That's kind of creepy.
What if it was true though? What if I really was sure that everyone who I loved would be happy in the end? Would know and love God?
That would be awesome.
But maybe then I'd just be lazy and be like, cool, well, everything will work out fine.
Or.
Or maybe....
I'd try to love everyone.
To really love them.
And that thought has been haunting me a bit ever since. Because I love many people, but there are many who I don't really love.
And they are all image-bearers.
And I long to love better.
The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. [1 Peter 4: 7-8]
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Images
I take a lot more pictures since I got an ipod touch. It's easy to pull it out of my pocket and snap a shot. They aren't the best quality, but I like the assortment that accumulates over time; little pieces of my days that give a feel of how they go and what's important to me.
So here are a few.
So here are a few.
Spices. I love how the colors and textures blend even before we get to the taste and smells!
This. Cracked me up. I had to send it to some friends, reminiscing about the time we found opium scented candles in China.
Wedding cake after David and Alexandra said their vows!
So.... mayyyyybe my sister Abbie knows me pretty well. She brought this lovely glass clock back for me from Italy. Please note: colorful. Deciduous tree. WIN.
Living somewhere flatter than PA leads to getting to see a lot of awesome skyscapes.
Like mayyyyybe it's actually worth getting up before 5 to go to work so I get to see this sort of thing.
Also, I have awesome friends. I asked for a quiz book... and I received.
So learning how to do henna-type doodling has been vaguely on my to-do list for a while now. Sunday I realized that my shirt had designs on it, handy for the copying and playing with.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Why I Hesitate
"What do you think about adoption?"
I started getting this question when I was in college. It made sense; I was getting to the age that I had friends thinking about starting their own families, and anyone who knew my family (at all) knew that I had plenty of experience with adoptions.
I love my siblings way more than I have words to say. Sometimes when I think about them I'm overcome with the thought that they could have so easily not been my siblings. That I could have not known them. (Which, I guess, is true of any human, more or less, but you catch my drift.) They are such an integral part of me that I'm really not sure who I'd be like without them. We really are our own tiny subculture, complete with one word jokes that can lead to minutes of laughter. (Souffle?)
But I hesitate when I get questioned what I think about adoption.
Because there isn't an easy answer.
There is always a but involved.
It's wonderful.
I love adoption.
I think adoption shows the heart of God. I believe it teaches us how to better understand God's love for us and is obedient to His will that we care for those who can't take care of themselves.
But.
But.
The thing any decision that you make is that you don't know what consequences will come of it. Adoption has wonderful consequences.
It can also have effects that will hurt and hurt for years to come.
You don't know.
In some ways, it's the same as any other decision for a Christian. You should seek to obey God, knowing that it will likely be difficult, knowing that He is going to use your obedience for His glory and your eternal good.
When people ask me about adoption, I want to tell them to count the cost. There's a financial cost, the sacrificial costs that come with parenting, but there are other possible costs that don't get talked about a lot, maybe because they are so hard to understand until you've lived through them.
There are times when you love as much as you possibly can in every way that you possibly can and it isn't enough.
There are things that will never fix to being "normal."
I know this.
When my coworkers joking ask how I stay so calm in the middle of insanity (aka lunch rush), I want to tell them, "You have no idea."
When I find someone else who has a sibling with reactive attachment disorder, I feel like I found a missing sibling of my own. We speak a common language.
And when people ask me what I think about adoption, I hesitate.
Here are four quotes that are "linked" in my mind to my thoughts about the hard parts about having grown up in an adoptive family. (Rereading these as I post them, I think they apply to a lot of situations where we assume that we know someone else's backstory.)
1)
Now that you know this is my life
I won't be told what's supposed to be right.
[from "Catch My Breath" by Kelly Clarkson]
Because, honestly, I have heard people say dumb, dumb stuff about adoption. And how wonderful it always is. And I want to hit them in the face with a creme pie...or something like that.
I don't know any way to do justice to the complexities in words. I know that God delights in working good through adverse situations, but trying to make adversity sound less.... adverse.... does no favor to the people who live through it, and it minimizes God's grace.
Don't paint over the ugly. Don't assume that you know what went wrong and how to fix all of it.
2)
"Well, to be fair," I said, "I mean, she probably can't handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn't have to handle it. And you do."
[from The Fault In Our Stars by John Green]
At this point in the book, Hazel is talking to her friend Isaac, whose girlfriend broke up with him because he has cancer, telling him that she couldn't handle it.
I'd say that's true when I think about what my family went through when I was growing up. It wasn't stuff that we could handle. But we had to.
3)
How could you ever understand where I come from?
Even if you ask --
Even if you listen --
you will not really hear, see, or feel.
You don't remember my story.
[from ReMoved]
I think this is true. Even with my best friends. Even with the best listeners who I know. They don't remember my story. That is no shortcoming in them; I think it's just a function of being finite. I don't really fully understand their stories, either.
But sometimes it seems harder, and like it hurts more, to even really try to explain.
So a lot of times, I don't.
4)
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief
And graft my soul upon Your grief...
Sometimes I cannot forgive
These days mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be
Maybe I could get some sleep.
[from "Oh My God" by Jars of Clay]
This is probably one of my favorite songs.
Especially this line: mercy cuts so deep.
It balances so very well in the tension. Real mercy cuts and leaves scars. Real mercy is dirty and messy and hard.
Real mercy, after all, is the perfect God becoming flesh in a very broken world.
It does cut.
So when people ask, I hesitate. And warn them that it's going to be a long conversation.
I started getting this question when I was in college. It made sense; I was getting to the age that I had friends thinking about starting their own families, and anyone who knew my family (at all) knew that I had plenty of experience with adoptions.
What? You don't think that we get mistaken for each other all the time?
I love my siblings way more than I have words to say. Sometimes when I think about them I'm overcome with the thought that they could have so easily not been my siblings. That I could have not known them. (Which, I guess, is true of any human, more or less, but you catch my drift.) They are such an integral part of me that I'm really not sure who I'd be like without them. We really are our own tiny subculture, complete with one word jokes that can lead to minutes of laughter. (Souffle?)
But I hesitate when I get questioned what I think about adoption.
Because there isn't an easy answer.
There is always a but involved.
It's wonderful.
I love adoption.
I think adoption shows the heart of God. I believe it teaches us how to better understand God's love for us and is obedient to His will that we care for those who can't take care of themselves.
But.
But.
The thing any decision that you make is that you don't know what consequences will come of it. Adoption has wonderful consequences.
It can also have effects that will hurt and hurt for years to come.
You don't know.
In some ways, it's the same as any other decision for a Christian. You should seek to obey God, knowing that it will likely be difficult, knowing that He is going to use your obedience for His glory and your eternal good.
When people ask me about adoption, I want to tell them to count the cost. There's a financial cost, the sacrificial costs that come with parenting, but there are other possible costs that don't get talked about a lot, maybe because they are so hard to understand until you've lived through them.
There are times when you love as much as you possibly can in every way that you possibly can and it isn't enough.
There are things that will never fix to being "normal."
I know this.
When my coworkers joking ask how I stay so calm in the middle of insanity (aka lunch rush), I want to tell them, "You have no idea."
When I find someone else who has a sibling with reactive attachment disorder, I feel like I found a missing sibling of my own. We speak a common language.
And when people ask me what I think about adoption, I hesitate.
Here are four quotes that are "linked" in my mind to my thoughts about the hard parts about having grown up in an adoptive family. (Rereading these as I post them, I think they apply to a lot of situations where we assume that we know someone else's backstory.)
1)
Now that you know this is my life
I won't be told what's supposed to be right.
[from "Catch My Breath" by Kelly Clarkson]
Because, honestly, I have heard people say dumb, dumb stuff about adoption. And how wonderful it always is. And I want to hit them in the face with a creme pie...or something like that.
I don't know any way to do justice to the complexities in words. I know that God delights in working good through adverse situations, but trying to make adversity sound less.... adverse.... does no favor to the people who live through it, and it minimizes God's grace.
Don't paint over the ugly. Don't assume that you know what went wrong and how to fix all of it.
2)
"Well, to be fair," I said, "I mean, she probably can't handle it. Neither can you, but she doesn't have to handle it. And you do."
[from The Fault In Our Stars by John Green]
At this point in the book, Hazel is talking to her friend Isaac, whose girlfriend broke up with him because he has cancer, telling him that she couldn't handle it.
I'd say that's true when I think about what my family went through when I was growing up. It wasn't stuff that we could handle. But we had to.
3)
How could you ever understand where I come from?
Even if you ask --
Even if you listen --
you will not really hear, see, or feel.
You don't remember my story.
[from ReMoved]
I think this is true. Even with my best friends. Even with the best listeners who I know. They don't remember my story. That is no shortcoming in them; I think it's just a function of being finite. I don't really fully understand their stories, either.
But sometimes it seems harder, and like it hurts more, to even really try to explain.
So a lot of times, I don't.
4)
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief
And graft my soul upon Your grief...
Sometimes I cannot forgive
These days mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be
Maybe I could get some sleep.
[from "Oh My God" by Jars of Clay]
This is probably one of my favorite songs.
Especially this line: mercy cuts so deep.
It balances so very well in the tension. Real mercy cuts and leaves scars. Real mercy is dirty and messy and hard.
Real mercy, after all, is the perfect God becoming flesh in a very broken world.
It does cut.
So when people ask, I hesitate. And warn them that it's going to be a long conversation.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Proverbs: A Word in Season
So I've passed the time of David's reign and I'm up to Solomon (which, by the way, I think is a pretty awesome name.) Which means that, mixed in with 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles, I've been getting to read Proverbs.
It feels different to me than any time I've read it before. Every time that I remember previously reading it, it was great, sure, but the proverbs felt mostly disjointed and... well, wise, but... I don't know. Something was missing. There were a few verses that I really loved, but the book as a whole tended to lose my attention. But this time, it's like a long drink of water on a hot, dry day.
Maybe it's because I've grown up some. Work a more-or-less 40-hour-a-week "real" job. Pay more bills. Whatever the reason is, Proverbs makes a lot more sense to me this time through. It feels like a timely guide to life about how to deal with friends, coworkers, priorities, and finances.
I don't have any more specific thoughts about Proverbs (I do some mornings when I'm reading at 5:20 waiting for the bus, but that was a long time ago in the scheme of the day...), just a growing gratitude to God for blessing me with this guide to wise living.
To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is! (Proverbs 15:23 ESV)
It feels different to me than any time I've read it before. Every time that I remember previously reading it, it was great, sure, but the proverbs felt mostly disjointed and... well, wise, but... I don't know. Something was missing. There were a few verses that I really loved, but the book as a whole tended to lose my attention. But this time, it's like a long drink of water on a hot, dry day.
Maybe it's because I've grown up some. Work a more-or-less 40-hour-a-week "real" job. Pay more bills. Whatever the reason is, Proverbs makes a lot more sense to me this time through. It feels like a timely guide to life about how to deal with friends, coworkers, priorities, and finances.
I don't have any more specific thoughts about Proverbs (I do some mornings when I'm reading at 5:20 waiting for the bus, but that was a long time ago in the scheme of the day...), just a growing gratitude to God for blessing me with this guide to wise living.
To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is! (Proverbs 15:23 ESV)
Sunday, May 18, 2014
More thankfulness post-its from China
216. journals
217. the start of a new week
218. surprise cookies (not a rock!) and encouragement from Mel!
219. the enthusiasm and friendliness of the freshmen
220. weekly lunch dates with Bridge
221. functional plumbing
222. friendship
223. the Aupperlees ^_^
224. the meat market and the incredible jiaozi
225. lesson planning with Mel
226. the music of Heath McNease
227. silk
228. Romans 5:8 ~ But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
229. waking up to a beautiful day
230. everyone being back from CBS!
231. Psalm 25:10 ~ All the paths of Yahweh are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
232. experimental dinners with Mel that turn out delicious
233. Revelation 4:8 ~ Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.
234. lunch with Yetta and a taste of home-cooked food from Dalian
235. Mel baking an amazing apple pie for Canadian Thanksgiving
236. the beauty of JingYueTan
237. the breath-taking beauty of creation
238. Job 38:17 ~ Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
239. advice and honesty
240. years of keeping the quote book
241. delicious soup
242. 2 Chronicles 16:9 ~ For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him...
243. tomato soup
244. cocoa and peanut butter
245. brunch with Changchun + Taiyuan + Harbin
246. Psalm 117:2 ~ For great is His steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
247. pictures and videos
248. Chandler making it back in time to go to CBS
249. Andrew Kemp
250. Merlin
251. the Taiyuan girls getting here safely!
252. safety in traveling
253. IKEA
254. music from Baidu
255. Becky and Jon getting married
256. Van Canto
257. mooncakes!
258. plans for May holiday
217. the start of a new week
218. surprise cookies (not a rock!) and encouragement from Mel!
219. the enthusiasm and friendliness of the freshmen
220. weekly lunch dates with Bridge
221. functional plumbing
222. friendship
223. the Aupperlees ^_^
224. the meat market and the incredible jiaozi
225. lesson planning with Mel
226. the music of Heath McNease
227. silk
228. Romans 5:8 ~ But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
229. waking up to a beautiful day
230. everyone being back from CBS!
231. Psalm 25:10 ~ All the paths of Yahweh are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
232. experimental dinners with Mel that turn out delicious
233. Revelation 4:8 ~ Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come.
234. lunch with Yetta and a taste of home-cooked food from Dalian
235. Mel baking an amazing apple pie for Canadian Thanksgiving
236. the beauty of JingYueTan
237. the breath-taking beauty of creation
238. Job 38:17 ~ Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
239. advice and honesty
240. years of keeping the quote book
241. delicious soup
242. 2 Chronicles 16:9 ~ For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward Him...
243. tomato soup
244. cocoa and peanut butter
245. brunch with Changchun + Taiyuan + Harbin
246. Psalm 117:2 ~ For great is His steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
247. pictures and videos
248. Chandler making it back in time to go to CBS
249. Andrew Kemp
250. Merlin
251. the Taiyuan girls getting here safely!
252. safety in traveling
253. IKEA
254. music from Baidu
255. Becky and Jon getting married
256. Van Canto
257. mooncakes!
258. plans for May holiday
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Seeking Wisdom
It had been almost six months since I had heard from a particular student, when she had messaged me to ask what "walleye fry" meant. (Why she needed to know this, I do not know.)
And then she started a new conversation. Defying all conventions of normal ways to begin a new conversation, she threw a full paragraph at me that was crammed with words like regret and sins and forgive and acquittal. (Yes, her English is good.)
Being ever-eloquent, I sent her back an emoji making a questioning face, because that was the face I would have been making at her if she had started a conversation like that in real life.
So she clarified. I wonder how to act. the past is heavy and I cant help feeling weak.
And I thought, Oh, child, you are so ready for the gospel.
Chinese culture, no less than American culture, promotes a pulling-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps "gospel." And it's a lie that plays into human hubris so beautifully that it's very powerful. When I find my students realizing that ultimately, they aren't enough, it gives me hope.
We shot messages back and forth for a while longer, words somehow passing around the earth in a second or two. My mind and heart were full of Paul's agonized words in Romans 7, of how he struggled with himself. You know I am a Christian, right? I asked her, because how can such a conversation continue otherwise? To talk about forgiving means talking about being forgiven.
It got late. I needed to get to bed so I could go to work this morning.
Near the end of our conversation, she said, Wisdom wont come if I keep standing like this instead of trying hard to find it.
And then all I could think of were the many verses in Proverbs, of how wisdom calls. Of how wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord. I sent her one last question: how can you find wisdom?
She tells me she will read the Bible first.
And my heart is full.
Full of wonder that, almost a year after I finished being their teacher by job description, I still get to be a part of their lives.
Full of hope that she will not stop seeking wisdom until she finds where it begins. That maybe her feet are already on a path, even if she cannot yet see it.
Please pray, ask, beg with me that she will keep knocking until the door is opened.
That she'll know the One who really is Wisdom.
And then she started a new conversation. Defying all conventions of normal ways to begin a new conversation, she threw a full paragraph at me that was crammed with words like regret and sins and forgive and acquittal. (Yes, her English is good.)
Being ever-eloquent, I sent her back an emoji making a questioning face, because that was the face I would have been making at her if she had started a conversation like that in real life.
So she clarified. I wonder how to act. the past is heavy and I cant help feeling weak.
And I thought, Oh, child, you are so ready for the gospel.
Chinese culture, no less than American culture, promotes a pulling-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps "gospel." And it's a lie that plays into human hubris so beautifully that it's very powerful. When I find my students realizing that ultimately, they aren't enough, it gives me hope.
We shot messages back and forth for a while longer, words somehow passing around the earth in a second or two. My mind and heart were full of Paul's agonized words in Romans 7, of how he struggled with himself. You know I am a Christian, right? I asked her, because how can such a conversation continue otherwise? To talk about forgiving means talking about being forgiven.
It got late. I needed to get to bed so I could go to work this morning.
Near the end of our conversation, she said, Wisdom wont come if I keep standing like this instead of trying hard to find it.
And then all I could think of were the many verses in Proverbs, of how wisdom calls. Of how wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord. I sent her one last question: how can you find wisdom?
She tells me she will read the Bible first.
And my heart is full.
Full of wonder that, almost a year after I finished being their teacher by job description, I still get to be a part of their lives.
Full of hope that she will not stop seeking wisdom until she finds where it begins. That maybe her feet are already on a path, even if she cannot yet see it.
Please pray, ask, beg with me that she will keep knocking until the door is opened.
That she'll know the One who really is Wisdom.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Things I was Thankful for in China
(about half of my post-its, in no particular order)
- 1 John 2:25 ~ And this is the promise that He made to us -- eternal life.
- desiring God
- how You take what men meant for evil -- and turn it to good
- teammates and life together
- hanging out with Hilary
- Jeremiah 29:12 ~ Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear You
- the holiness of God
- getting to talk one-on-one in the office with Julie
- Danielle asking good q's during O3 (and doing it outside!)
- Timge
- being an American on this 11th anniversary of 9/11
- the awesome dinner & movie night with Kelsey & Tempestt
- sharing truth and laughter with my team
- the solemn ceremony of convocation at Huawai
- toothpaste
- 2 Cor 1:4 ~ ...who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction
- rock scrambling
- everything in Thailand being new
- Your promises that are fulfilled beyond our wildest expectations
- Sundays full of rest
- students who are late to their final because they got locked in their dorm... *facepalm* #loveChina
- getting to spend time with Carly's family
- getting over being sick
- playing crazy games of I Love You Like...
- settling back in
- sci-fi/fantasy by L E Modesitt
- bright flowers growing in Kunming
- deep and long conversations with Bridge
- Psalm 60:1 ~ O God, You have rejected us, broken our defenses; You have been angry; oh, restore us.
- Chan cakes
- the music of All Sons & Daughters
- awesome travel buddies
- the mobilization team and their heart for us and You
- that there is a four-hour train to QHD
- seeing Candace
- how convenient airplanes are
- Psalm 22:3 ~ Yet You are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.
- Depreena (when she's tired. And the rest of the time.)
- seeing a change in Luther
- 1 Peter 5:7 ~ ...casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
- rainstorms right as my work week ends <3
- missing my sibs
- dinner with Grammar
- the water working for days!
- sharing life stories
- calzones!
- Proverbs 18:24 ~ A man of many companions comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
- the testimony of Ian and Larissa's marriage
- seeing so many people at the all-city meeting
- 1 John 5:14-15 ~ Now this is the confidence we have before Him: Whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.
- having a quilt to rub my face against
- speakers that look like minions
- Jars of Clay
- Gungor
- seaweed fights
- the peace of a clean apartment
- Psalm 72:12 ~ For He delivers the needy when he calls, the poor and him who has no helper. (Teach me compassion.)
- having the opportunity to serve my office
- Psalm 118:21 ~ I thank You that You have answered me and have become my salvation.
- earrings
- Three + hours of live mafia
- Laughing at Lost in Thailand
- seeing stars so brilliant!
- Chai
- having so much more than I need to survive and a job that I enjoy doing
- friends who are willing to look out for my sibs
- warmer weather
- All of everything being turned in!
- being part of a community that loves You and chases You hard
- time alone with You
- One on Ones
- mail: from my family, from Grandmum and Ross, and from Bryana!
- getting randomness organized
- that You listen to us and respond
- That You loved us when we were still enemies
- the cablecar ride down from Dragon Gate
- the justice of God
- meeting other foreign teachers
- marvelous gifts from Danielle's spare 'oom
- not living somewhere that malaria is a huge concern
- Psalm 52:9 ~ I will thank You forever, because You have done it. I will wait for Your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly.
- Ib looking like a punk in the new picture
- night swim!
- That Your Spirit can change our hearts and the hearts of others.
- getting feedback from Danielle in our O3
- getting to perform for our school
- Tim and Jill seeing each other still
- House of Faith
- Epiphany and that You are King and Savior of all nations.
- a package from home
- healing
- that Your coming makes peace on earth possible
- brothers and sisters in the Muslim Quarter
- Job 42:5 ~ I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.
- phone calls with Jill and how much her English has improved
- backpacks
- picasa
- my whole team is back!!
- kebabs, rotee, fruit smoothies
- CS Lewis
- not having to sit outside in chilly rain at the sports meet
- Job 15:11 ~ Are the comforts of God too small for you, or the word that deals gently with you?
- Proverbs 20:24 ~ A man's steps are from the Lord, how then can man understand his way?
- street food
- brownies in a mug
- having a full reserve water bucket when I need it
- weddings
- books
- seeing my students and other much beloved students again
- Christopher (and the cutest kitten ever)
- space in Pudong to sleep
- things that didn't change a bit: loud greetings and being offered someone else's candy
- honesty in relationships
- Changchun A&B and Taiyuan skyping Nanchang!
- awesome Australia birthday party!
- dancing signs
- Kitty's incredible testimony -- and all of the ways You work.
- cool hostel-mates (like Lisa!)
- Evergreen
- feeling like a teacher, not an imposter
- having fun doing game day with two classes
- origami Christmas trees
- randomly meeting other ELIC'ers
- seeing the rest of TFP
- ceramic knives
- dining hall 4
- new bread recipes from market2meal
- Luke 1:74-75 ~ ...that we, being delivered from the hand of our enemies, might serve Him without fear, in holiness and righteousness before Him all our days.
- Isaiah 53:5 ~ But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities...
- students who say wildly inappropriate things in class
- 20000 names... and all the meanings
- finishing buying Christmas gifts!
- super good food at the sports club
- Roger's rockin' art skills
- Sundays that are restful (as well as productive)
- incredible job possibilities for next year
- Xi'an feeling familiar
- students returning soon!
- incredible potato-bacon chowder
- playing Ninja in Kunming
- students being genuine in their finals
- advent and the sure promise of hope in a dark world.
- hot showers
- getting things (aka Danielle's kitchen) clean!
- advice and Danielle listening
- Jordan
- plans for Harbin to come!
- mascara
- apples to apples
- Job 11:6 ~ ...know then that God exacts of you less than your guilt deserves.
- that Danielle observed before the dean...
- chunks of cheese
- Luke 7:47 ~ Therefore I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; that's why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little.
- prayer
- good smells
- Colossians 1:12 ...giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.
- getting to teach my trans class about Marshall McLuhan
- lunch with Cassie and Cindy
- Mom and CG going to the OPC ladies' retreat
- hearing from Eleanor and Erin
- how You refresh us through worship
- Isaiah 51:3 ~ For Yahweh comforts Zion... joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song.
- good stories
- walking across campus with a student
- the photography of Rob Jinks
- changing seasons
- comfy warm clothes on a chilly, rainy day
- highschool friends and how they shaped me
- laughing over peas in a pod like no tomorrow
- team commitment
- Psalm 69:30 ~ I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify Him with thanksgiving.
- the variety at the fabric market
- plans for the National Holiday
- a sweet birthday gift from Phoenix
- beautiful leather journals
- that You love me even when my attitude sucks
- jeans from the resource library that fit!
- youtube (and Flight of the Concords... 3 Little Pigs... Pentatonix...)
- Harry Potter
- Zeph 3:17 ~ Yahweh your God is in your midst, a mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness...
- skyping with Abbie and Rivy
- quotes from books
- a GIFT from my teammates who went to CBS
- a letter from home!
- students from Guizhou
- 2 Cor 4:17 ~ For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison
- fresh baked (and frozen) bread ^_^
- Loaded Questions
- the Harbin girls getting here!
- the most dirge-like rendition of "I've Got the Joy" EVER... and ensuing laughter.
- anticipation of the National Holiday
- fun translation classes
- the HCSB translation
- a couch cover + quilt
- stories of how English names came to be
- Tim Keller's sermon
- brunch
- 1 Thes 5:16-18 ~ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
- mashed potatoes
- cookouts with everyone
- Colossians 3:15 ~ And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
- mashed (baked potato + salt + milk + garlic + oil)
- getting to watch and play with kids!
- skype with Tim and him getting a job with ELIC
- fireworks
- Hebrews 12:28 ~ Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe.
- talking with coworkers
- plans for Danielle to observe a class (and working toward TEFL certification!)
- FAOs who look out for us
- 1 Thes 5:17 ~ Give thanks in ALL circumstances
- encouragement from Bridge
- watching HP3 while writing lesson plans
- laughter
- John Piper and his passion
- POD sisterhood
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